Pink Lemonade
by C. Jones
Summary: Shampoo and Ukyou are up to some naughty tricks in order to win Ranma, but they may not get what they're expecting. Lime: Contains Adult Situations.
1. Nine Inches of Passion Spice

This and all my other fanfics are available at http://www.furinkan.net  
  
C.  
  
------------------------------  
  
Akane woke and stretched, happily groaning as she pulled all  
the kinks out of her muscles.  
  
*Hmm... worn out this morning. Hips are kinda sore. Must have  
worked out extra hard yesterday,* she thought as she relaxed and  
scratched at her side.  
  
Actually, her hips were *really* sore, Akane thought to her  
self.  
  
"Oh yeah. I had my ankles back behind my head last night," she  
remembered.  
  
Groggily, her hair sticking up in wild array, Akane swung her  
legs over the side of her bed and began to make her way to the door,  
pausing briefly to step over the snoring lump on her floor.  
  
"Nnn..." Akane greeted Nabiki as the two met in the hall. She  
wondered why her sister was giving her those odd looks, but ignored  
them in favor of making her way directly down the stairs and to the  
furo.  
  
Did Nabiki have a black eye?  
  
She stopped in the changing room briefly, and giggled at her  
hair in the mirror before taking off the red Chinese shirt she  
was...  
  
Uhoh.  
  
Sore hips.  
  
Snoring lump in bedroom floor.   
  
Red Chinese shirt.  
  
Akane's happy expression cracked slightly. Slowly,  
ponderously, one petite hand reached down under the hem of the  
shirt.  
  
"No panties..." Akane breathed, a sick grin still stuck on her  
face. She probed with her fingers...  
  
...And came up sticky.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
------------------------------  
Akane the Queen : Nine Inches of Passion Spice  
  
a Lemon-Lime Spritzer by  
Chris Jones  
------------------------------  
  
"I see you had a good time last night," Nabiki mumbled as she  
made her way into the changing room.   
  
"Nonononononononononnononononononononono..."  
  
Nabiki grimaced at her reflection in the mirror. She grimaced  
at the black eye that was still mostly swelled shut and made an  
ineffectual attempt to get her hair to lay down.  
  
Akane simply ran out of the room, screaming.  
  
* * *  
  
Watching the screaming girl run through the tea-room to the  
stairs clad in only one of Ranma's red shirts, Genma grinned evilly  
and clinked the rim of his tea-cup against Soun's.   
  
Soun nodded his head and downed the breakfast tea in one  
hearty gulp.  
  
Kasumi glared darkly at the both of them while Nodoka was  
making up a list of appropriate baby-names.  
  
* * *  
  
Ranma awoke groggily at the girl's screams and tried to blink  
the sleep out of his eyes. He sat up just in time to see the door  
swing open and Akane's heaving figure staring at him with a wild  
expression.  
  
"Mornin'," he mumbled, trying to figure out why he was so  
exhausted.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Akane screamed, running away from the door. The  
door slammed against the frame but bounced back.  
  
"What'd I do this time?" Ranma blinked again. "Hey, what am I  
doin' in her room?"  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Nabiki finished brushing her teeth and rinsed. When she came  
back up from the sink, Akane was in her face, breathing heavily.  
  
"How?!?!" the younger girl demanded. "When?!?!" The, more  
seriously, with a glint of fury in her eyes, "Who? And how did you  
get a black eye?"  
  
"Ah... Awake at last, I see," Nabiki noted. "I'll tell you,  
but first you have to tell me what it was like."  
  
Akane felt a goofy grin forming on her face. "Oh, about nine  
inches long and as hard as---" Akane covered her mouth in horror as  
her face turned a bright pink color.  
  
"Heh," Nabiki chuckled, and clutched at her sides. She winced  
at the movement, letting Akane know that the black eye was probably  
just the most superficial of her injuries. "As for my present  
condition, it was Ukyou. Between us, we royally... ahem... *screwed*  
her plans last night, and she felt the need to take her anger out on  
somebody, and you were... heh, *unavailable*. Oh, I'll be billing  
*her* tomorrow, I tell you!"  
  
Akane shook her head, trying to clear her mind. The details of  
the previous evening were blurry in some respects, but some things,  
now that she remembered she had done them, were frightfully clear.  
all nine inches of them.   
  
"You better start at the beginning, Nabiki," Akane said,  
collapsing to the floor in disbelief.  
  
"Well, it was Shampoo's grandmother's passion spice again..."  
  
* * *  
  
"It getting too too dangerous!" Shampoo said, staring at the  
okonomiyaki chef over her grill. "Violent girl no break up with  
husband even after wedding go boom!"  
  
"I'll say," Ukyou agreed as she was irritably scrubbing her  
grill. "That was a sure thing!"  
  
"Maybe Ranma-sama and Akane-sama have stronger feelings that  
we expected," Konatsu suggested hopefully.  
  
"Ranma's too shy," Ukyou ignored her wait-person completely.  
"He just needs a little prompting. Just a little push. Hmmm..."  
  
"What spatula-girl thinking?" the purple-haired delivery girl  
asked.  
  
"Maybe if we got him drunk..." Ukyou mused aloud. "Alcohol  
loosens the tongue. If we got him just rip-roaring-fall-down  
toasted, he might finally be able to admit that he really loves me."  
  
"Airen love Shampoo!" the amazon countered. "Ranma get drunk  
on sake, say he love Shampoo!"  
  
"Urr... sometimes people say things they don't mean when  
they're intoxicated," Konatsu suggested, busy trying to keep Ukyou  
from scrubbing away the entire top layer of steel off the grill.  
  
Ukyou deflated. "That's true. My father said that he was the  
emperors's brother once. He only had a few bottles in him at the  
time."  
  
Shampoo scowled and leaned over the counter, her head resting  
on her arms. "Maybe..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well. No good. Try before and no work."  
  
"Out with it, China-girl," Ukyou growled.  
  
"Passion spice. Make people very... excited. Never seem to  
work right. Always give to wrong person or..."  
  
Ukyou caught fire, the heat of her pure heart lighting up the  
room. "But we *will* give it to the right person, Shampoo!" Ukyou  
declared. "Between the two of us, we can arrange things so that  
Ranma gets a hearty dose of the spice. If we're both there, then  
he'll have no choice but to admit who he really loves!" *Me!!!!*  
she declared to herself.  
  
Then Ukyou caught fire, the gas heating element exposed as she  
finally scrubbed all the way through the grill. The sleeve of her  
shirt charred and ignited. Ukyou waved it around in a panic while  
Konatsu tried to extinguish the flame with his own body.  
  
*Me!!!* Shampoo thought, smirking at the flaming chef. "Okay!  
We do it. We make new food and put Passion Spice in!"  
  
"Owowowowowwo!" Ukyou bellowed, beating her arm against  
Konatsu to put out the fire.  
  
"I get Airen for sure! Hahahaha!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Delivery!"  
  
"Oh, who's there?" Kasumi asked.  
  
"It Shampoo! Have new kind of ramen for Airen to try!"  
  
"It's Ukyou! I have a new kind of okonomiyaki for Ran-chan to  
sink his teeth into."  
  
"Oh, my!" Ukyou let both girls in the kitchen door.  
"Okonomiyaki *and* Ramen! Just what I was already making for  
dinner."  
  
"You don't say," Ukyou muttered.  
  
"We'll have plenty to go around, then!" Kasumi declared. Why  
don't you just put it over there and--"  
  
"Okay. Shampoo put special hmpphh!!!!"  
  
"Heh," Ukyou chuckled, clutching her hand over Shampoo's  
mouth. "We'll just leave them over here. They're only for Ran-chan,  
though, okay?"  
  
Kasumi's expression dimmed somewhat. To those that knew her,  
this was a full fledged Kasumi-glare, and it couldn't be dodged  
lightly.  
  
Ukyou began to giggle nervously under the onslaught.  
"Ahahaha!"  
  
"You two didn't do anything naughty to the food did you?"  
Kasumi asked sweetly in a tone that would not be ignored.  
  
Shampoo's eyes widened in horror. "Err... No!"  
  
"They won't explode like last time will they?"  
  
"Absolutely not!" Ukyou defended. "Well, you could explode  
them, if you happened to have a handy stick of cordite laying around  
but--- Nevermind! These Oknomiyaki--"  
  
"Ramen" Shampoo volunteered.  
  
"--Okonomiyaki are designed to be eaten! Not to do demolition  
with!"  
  
"Ramen."  
  
"So which is it? okonomiyaki or ramen?" Kasumi asked.  
  
"Okonomiyaki!"   
  
"Ramen!"  
  
"Rokonomiyaiken!" Ukyou declared, opening the lids on their  
boxes, displaying their new confection. Indeed what was inside was a  
thick, noodle soup with mini-okonomiyaki dumplings floating prettily  
just on top of the soup.  
  
"Ara! How delightful!" Kasumi exclaimed. "May I taste?"  
  
"Noooo! Kasumi no taste this!!!!" Shampoo screamed. "Here  
ah... ah..."  
  
Ukyou grabbed one of the other boxes and handed it to Shampoo.  
"This one's good!"  
  
The amazon breathed a sigh of relief and handed it to the  
eldest Tendou daughter. "This one for nice-nice girl," Shampoo said,  
her chest heaving.  
  
Kasumi produced a pair of chopsticks and lifted a mini-  
okonomiyaki dumpling from the broth and blew on it ever so gently.  
She popped in her mouth and smiled broadly. "Why, how exquisite! I'm  
certain that Ranma will love this!"  
  
"He should," Ukyou said, glaring at the floor.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Heh! Nothing...!"  
  
Shampoo dragged Ukyou away from the situation by ear. "How you  
do that?" Shampoo demanded.   
  
Ukyou breathed a sigh of relief and held a jar. "I thought  
something like this might happen, so I didn't put any of the passion  
spice in yet. Your grandmother also gave me an antidote to the  
spice, just in case."  
  
"So Kasumi get one bowl?"   
  
Ukyou nodded. "That means there are only two left."  
  
"Very very bad! We have to conserve food. Very bad if Airen no  
eat!"  
  
"I know," Ukyou admitted. "Still, better safe than sorry, ne?"  
  
"Better not work with moron and get burn!" Shampoo growled.  
"We work now. Spatula-girl no mess up again!"  
  
"Who messed up?"  
  
"Dinner's ready!" Kasumi shouted.  
  
* * *  
  
"Look, is Godzilla." Shampoo pointed out the window as the  
Tendous at down to eat. "Mercenary-girl have camera?"  
  
"Where?" Nabiki demanded, her hands reaching into the pocket  
on her overalls for her micro-35mm. There was the standing 100,000  
yen reward from the Tokyo Enquirer for a real photo of the Monster  
Who Ate Tokyo to think of.  
  
Ukyou took the opportunity Shampoo's distraction offered to  
lean over and season Ranma's bowl of rokonomiyakiken.  
  
"Mmm! This looks really good!" Ranma said after the group had  
failed to watch the Green Menace materialize on the Tokyo skyline.  
  
Akane 'hmphed' and turned her nose up at Ranma and the other  
girls.   
  
"Just a second, boy!" Genma said, reaching out with his  
chopsticks. He snagged one of the dumplings from Ranma's bowl and  
proceeded to pop it into his own mouth. "You can't try a new kind of  
food without offering some to your old man!"  
  
Ukyou's eyes widened in horror. She dropped her chopsticks and  
covered her mouth in abject fear.  
  
Shampoo leaned over and began sneezing. She held her fist up  
to her face. The net effect was that the girl 'sneezed' a fine  
coating of golden powder, the Passion Spice antidote, directly into  
Genma's face.  
  
"That kind of behavior spreads germs, you know," Soun noted as  
he munched another one of Ranma's dumplings.  
  
"Achoo! Achoo! Excuse Shampoo," Shampoo sneezed into Soun's  
face. "Hope Shampoo isn't contagious."  
  
"Some people have *no* manners," Nabiki noted, eating the bowl  
of rokonomiyakiken.   
  
"Aiya!"  
  
Ukyou's jaw dropped again. "Where'd you--"  
  
"I owed her," Ranma admitted. "Actually, I still owe here.  
That's for the hot kettle before yearbook pictures last month."  
  
"This is pretty good. Oh, my," Nabiki undid the top two  
buttons on her blouse. "Is it warm in here, or is it just me?"  
  
"Here!" Ukyou held out a glass of antidote-spiked soda. "This  
should cool you off! I hope! Compliments of Ucchan's!"  
  
"Why thank you, Ukyou!" To the chef's relief, Nabiki downed  
almost the entire glass of soda before resuming eating. To the  
chef's relief, Nabiki also refastened one button after realizing how  
much cleavage she had just exposed.  
  
"Shampoo be right back!" The amazon rushed into the kitchen  
and grabbed another bowl of the new concoction. She paused to  
sprinkle Passion Spice liberally over the dumplings. She hopped out  
of the kitchen and placed the bowl squarely in front of Ranma. "This  
one *just* for Airen. No repay debts or give away, okay?!" she said  
in a threatening tone.  
  
"O-okay," Ranma began to dig into the bowl.   
  
Shampoo turned back to smirk at Ukyou, just in time to see a  
silent, "NOOOO!!!" die on the chef's lips.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Akane ate the rest of Nabiki's ramen, and I'm out of  
antidote!" Ukyou shouted.  
  
"Antidote?" Soun asked in a panic.  
  
"I only ate one dumpling," Akane squeaked. "I was just  
curious."  
  
"WAAH! My little girl's been poisoned!" Soun wailed.  
  
"No!" Shampoo disagreed. "It infinitely worse than that!  
"Akane get Passion Spice. Ranma too! Shampoo no have antidote  
either!"  
  
"Hmmm?" Ranma asked, finishing off his bowl of  
rokonomiyakiken. "Hrmmm... Spice? Mmmm... " He blinked and smiled  
widely. His ears had turned red and his eyes seemed to have turned a  
nice shade of orange. Shampoo happened to cross his field of vision  
as he looked around. "Heya, Shampoo!"  
  
Akane's left eye twitched, but then it began to turn orange as  
well.  
  
"This chance!" Shampoo exclaimed, grabbing Ranma's face with  
both hand. "You tell Shampoo you love, yes?"  
  
"No, you hussy! He loves me!" Ukyou leaped over the table and  
punted Shampoo out the open shoji. She grabbed Ranma's hands and  
clasped them close to her chest. "Right Ranchan? You love me?"  
  
"Hurrr..." Ranma began breathing heavily and his pupils  
visibly dilated. "Oooh. Ucchan..."  
  
"Yes, Ranchan?"  
  
"Ucchan..."  
  
"Ranchan?"  
  
"Hey, look at Akane's tits, Ucchan! Don't you think they've  
gotten bigger in the last few months?"  
  
"Ranma, you jerk!" Ukyou slapped him back and forth, leaving  
his head spinning. "What about *my* tits?"  
  
"Ukyou," Akane warned, visibly shaking. "I think you better  
leave. We all need to calm down and... and... kiss Ranma's... I mean  
get over what ever you and Shampoo put in... Oh, my!"  
  
"Now if you really want to talk about great breasts," Ranma  
noted, "my girl side is pretty hot. She's not around right now, but  
that's okay."  
  
"Ranma!"  
  
"Airen quit talking about other girl's breasts!" Shampoo  
screamed as she ran back up to the table, bouncing like only an  
Amazon could. "Talk about Shampoo breast instead."  
  
"Ya knoww..." Ranma's speech was starting to become slurred.  
"Ish w-w-w-eird, but... but..." Ranma shook his head. "The besh  
breshs are... are... pert..."  
  
"Shampoo pert!"  
  
"Ucchan pert too, Ranchan!" The chef countered as she got back  
to her feet. "You want Ucchan!"  
  
"... and firm... I want?"  
  
"Yes?!?!" Both girls demanded  
  
"He wants me, you hussies, so take off!" Akane launched  
herself at Ranma, locking her wrists and ankles around his neck.  
"Don't you, Ranma-baka? Tee hee!"  
  
"A-a-a-ak-ak--"  
  
"That's right, they're there for you to squeeze. Nice and  
firm, huh? Not like flabby Shampoo's." Akane giggled cutely.  
  
"Oh my!" Kasumi's hands went to her mouth in shock. "Akane!  
You shouldn't!"  
  
"You go, sis!" Nabiki cheered. "Even if it is the spice..."  
  
Soun and Genma were in tears. "Oh, happy day, Tendou. Our  
families will be united at last!"  
  
"My little girl is growing up so quickly," Soun wailed. "Make  
your father proud, Akane!"  
  
"Sure thing, Daddy!" Akane reached down. "Ooh! Looks like  
Ranma-baka's up to the task!"  
  
"Aaaakannneee---" Ranma groaned. That was the last legible  
word he managed to utter.  
  
"Mmm... Squeeze harder, Ranma! I *like* it when you're rough!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shampoo screamed. She pulled out a sword and  
lifted Akane's chin with it. "Shampoo kill pervert-girl now."  
  
Akane began to sweat in nervousness (and arousal).  
  
"Get in line, Sugar!" Ukyou shouted. "Sorry, Akane. You've had  
this comin' for a while. Get her!"  
  
"Yipe!" Akane leapt from Ranma's arms and ran through the  
house. Shampoo and Ukyou trampled across Ranma to get to her. Ranma,  
not noticing the crushing steps, hopped to his feet and looked  
forlornly after Akane. "Aaaa...."  
  
Nabiki looked down and noted the tent that had sprung up in  
Ranma's loose canvas pants.  
  
"Wow! You better get going, Ranma. Ukyou and Shampoo might get  
more for they bargain for if they attack Akane right now."  
  
Ranma grunted and nodded. Adjusting himself, he loped off  
after the three girls. He found the trio upstairs at the end of the  
hallway. Ukyou and Shampoo had Akane cornered with their bladed  
weapons.  
  
"Huuuu..." Ranma warned, batting the two girls away with  
barely a thought. "Kaaa..."  
  
"Oh, Ranma!" Akane moaned, collapsing into the martial  
artist's unthinking embrace.  
  
"Ranma, you come away from girl right now!" Shampoo cried,  
striking Ranma over the head with a bonbori. Ranma shrugged off the  
blow and turned around to stare stupidly at the amazon. "Hurrrr?"  
  
"Run, Akane!" Nabiki suggested from the other end of the  
hallway. Ranma can take care of himself."  
  
Akane nodded and leapt over the other two girls. She ran down  
the hall and blew a kiss to her fiancee as she grabbed Nabiki. "Bai-  
bai! I'll catch up with you later, Ranma-bakaaaa!"  
  
"Urrhhh!"  
  
"Shampoo! You go kill Akane," Ukyou said in a reasonable tone.  
"I'll stay here and make sure that Ranma stays out of trouble."  
  
"Good plan. I kill Akane now!"  
  
Ukyou waited until Shampoo had vaulted down the stairs to  
start laughing. She reached out and grabbed Ranma's hand and began  
to lead him to the guest room. "Ohh, gotta keep you out of trouble,  
Sugar. I think I know of a few ways."  
  
"Urrr?"  
  
Shampoo skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairway once  
she realized what she had done and charged right back up the stairs  
just before Ukyou managed to drag Ranma into the room. "YOU NO TRICK  
SHAMPOO LIKE THAT!!!!"  
  
"I wouldn't dream of tricking you, Shampoo! I was just going  
to take care of Ranma while you took care of Akane."  
  
"Shampoo know *exactly* what 'take care of' mean!"  
  
"Well, we have him alone now," Ukyou said. "Why don't we ask  
him who he really loves?"  
  
"That right! Who Airen love?"   
  
"Urrr..." Ranma looked back and forth between the two girls  
and began to sweat.   
  
"Say you love me, Ranchan!"  
  
"Say you love Shampoo!"  
  
"RRrrrr...." Ranma growled, clearly lost in indecision. The  
beast that currently inhabited Ranma's intellect knew that while the  
two in front of him were indeed lovely, he would have to pick one.  
There was also the memory of bluish-black hair and temperamental  
pink lips causing havoc in his super-aroused mind.   
  
Ranma was frozen, unable to decide.  
  
"He's completely non-verbal," Nabiki said, climbing back up  
the stairs. "You'll have to eliminate some of the competition before  
he'll be able to perform. For the low, low price of only 5000 yen  
apiece, I'll watch him and you two can go *eliminate* Akane."  
  
"How we know Nabiki no take advantage of Ranma?"  
  
"He's my brother-in-law! Seriously. Now, pony up..."  
  
Both girls reached into their pockets and paid the girl.   
  
Nabiki quickly counted through the wrinkled notes pointed down  
stairs. "Akane's headed in the direction of the high-school. If you  
hurry, you can catch her."  
  
The two girls ran down the stairs and out of the house. They  
ran headlong towards the school. Furinkan was actually in sight when  
Ukyou actually cleared her head long enough to realize what Nabiki  
had said.  
  
"Oh no..."  
  
"What? What?" Shampoo demanded.  
  
Ukyou grit her teeth in ire. *He's my brother-in-law*, Nabiki  
had said.   
  
"Spatula girl know something," Shampoo said, shaking the  
chef's shoulders. "Give!"  
  
Ukyou bit down her gall and faced the amazon directly. "I  
don't think that Akane would hide at the school. It's too open...  
Akane's too wily for that. She's a tough girl like that. Maybe..."  
  
"Maybe what?"  
  
"Akane's going to be hiding in a place we least suspect."  
  
"Where?!?" Shampoo asked.   
  
Up above, the late evening sky began to darken and lighting  
flashed ominously.  
  
"One of our restaurants," Ukyou said. "You check out the  
Nekohanten, and I'll check Ucchan's. Hurry, before it's too late!"  
  
Shampoo nodded and ran off. Ukyou turned and ran, but not for  
Ucchan's.  
  
* * *  
  
"Tee-hee!" Akane giggled.   
  
"They're gone, sis!" Nabiki encouraged the girl as she stepped  
out of the closet.  
  
"Ranma-bakaaa!" Akane cooed before she sprinted up the  
stairs."  
  
Nabiki ran after her, just in time to see Akane drag the  
incoherent Ranma into her room. She hopped back down the stairs and  
ran for the front closet.  
  
"Oh lordy!" Nabiki exclaimed. "What an opportunity. I better  
get the camcorder ready before they begin!"  
  
"Oh, Ranma!" Akane exclaimed from inside her room in a voice  
loud enough to carry through the entire house. "It's sooo big!"  
  
Soun, who was standing in the middle of the tea-room, looked  
up at the ceiling with a pained expression on his face. Tears were  
running freely from his eyes and he unashamedly wiped his nose and  
face with the sleeve of his dark cotton gi.   
  
"Oh, Akane! You're such a big girl now," the man wailed.  
"You're mother would be so proud!"  
  
Genma, standing nearby, grunted in agreement, his face  
similarly affected.  
  
"Oooh! Squeeze harder!" Akane screamed.  
  
"No!" Kasumi shouted from across the tea-room. "I'll not allow  
it! Akane's too young to become a woman!"  
  
"Daughter," Soun countered, dodging in front of his eldest and  
the bokken she carried. "You must allow your sister her... her..."  
  
"Oh, Ranma! Now, Ranma! Yeehaa!!!"  
  
"Urr..." Soun stared at the ceiling in shock.  
  
"If he hurts her, I'll be very cross!" Kasumi warned.  
  
"Kasumi, dear," Nodoka placed a petite hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Aunty, what--?"  
  
Before Kasumi could speak, Nodoka, who was clad only in a  
skimpy lace teddy and thigh-high stockings had the girl hogtied and  
bound to the table. Kasumi looked up in horror. "Aunty!!!"  
  
"This is for the best, Kasumi. You see, I too, have consumed a  
Passion Dumpling and know the hidden fires which it ignites. Genma!"  
Nodoka's voice was like the crack of a whip.  
  
"Yes, dear!!!!"  
  
"Akane and Ranma must be allowed to continue their--"  
  
"Oh yessss! Deeper, Ranma! Harder!!! Oh, GOD!!!!"  
  
"Ahem..." Nodoka continued as it started to rain outside. "I  
see no problem there, Take me to bed, Husband."  
  
"Absolutely!" Genma picked up the woman, threw her over his  
shoulder and ran upstairs to the guest room, her feet kicking in  
excitement.  
  
"Father," Kasumi commanded. "Untie me so I can go save Akane!"  
  
"Urrr...."  
  
"Father!"  
  
"Please don't hate me!!!" Soun wailed, choosing discretion as  
the better part of valor. He ran off, leaving a yellow streak in his  
wake.  
  
"Nabiki! Untie me right now!"  
  
"Ohhhyesohyessssohhhh.... OOHHHHRAAAANMAAAAAAAA!!!!!"  
  
"Okay," Nabiki said, chuckling. "I think Akane's had a chance  
to get what she wanted so--"  
  
"Not so fast, Miss Tricky!" Ukyou shouted as she burst into  
the room. "Where's Ranma?"  
  
"AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOO YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!"  
  
"Vocal, Isn't she?" Nabiki said, thinking aloud. "That girl  
has *got* to learn to tone it down."  
  
"Nooooooooooooo...." Ukyou wailed, collapsing to her knees.  
The large battle spatula she had been weilding bent in her hands.   
  
Nabiki chuckled and glanced toward the ceiling.  
  
"Again, Ranma-baka!" Akane shouted. "Yes! I think you can move  
my ankles--- Yes! Just like that!!!!"  
  
"This is your fault, Nabiki!" Ukyou growled, tossing aside her  
ruined spatula. She leapt at the middle Tendou girl, who barely  
managed to dodge.  
  
"Sorry, no refunds!"  
  
"Die, bitch!" Ukyou belted Nabiki in the face, knocking the  
girl to the floor.   
  
Nabiki sat up, probing at her injured eye. She saw the killing  
expression on Ukyou's face and darted from the room. "Sorry, Kasumi!  
Gotta run! Need to stay alive. Bye!"  
  
"Come back, you whore!" Ukyou bellowed running after.  
  
"Somebody untie meee!" Kasumi pleaded.  
  
"Oh, yes, Ranma! Tie me up! Oooh! Tighter!!!!"  
  
Kasumi began to weep.  
  
* * *  
  
Several hours later, Akane opened her bedroom window to see a  
little purple cat meowing piteously in the back yard of the Tendou  
residence. It was still raining, and the cat looked like a drowned  
rat.  
  
Without pity, Akane grinned wicked and threw a glassful of ice  
water out the window at the mourning kitty.  
  
"Oh, Shampoo's in heat. Go home, pussy-cat," Akane called out.  
"There's nothing for you here!"  
  
"Miaaaaaaaaaaawwwwww...."  
  
* * *  
  
"I... I really said all those things?" Akane's hand went to  
her mouth in shock.  
  
Nabiki nodded. "And probably some I don't remember."  
  
"Aunty really tied up Kasumi?"  
  
"You better belive it. Your oldest sister is not a happy  
camper this morning, so I'd watch out."  
  
Akane breathed a sigh of regret. "I'm not a virgin any more.  
Oh..."  
  
"You had fun, didn't you?" Nabiki asked. "It certainly sounded  
like it, at any rate. You've lost me a bet, you know. I was supposed  
to be the first of the three of us to get laid."  
  
Akane nodded thoughtfully. "What will Ranma think of me now?"  
  
The changeroom door slammed open and Ranma, as a girl, darted  
inside in a panic. She dove into the dirty clothes hamper and  
started shaking  
  
"Oh god, Oh god, I'm gonna die..."  
  
"What?" Nabiki asked.  
  
"Kasumi *yelled* at me!" Ranma said in horror. "Something  
'bout hurting Akane. Both our dads have gone nuts. They're planning  
a wedding or something. Oh man... this is bad..."  
  
"Hmm... They wouldn't have any reason at all to start planning  
a wedding, would they, lover boy?" Nabiki teased.  
  
"What?" Ranma asked stupidly.  
  
"Don't you remember?" Akane asked.  
  
"Remember what?" Ranma said.   
  
"Keep you hands off Akane, you little pervert!" Kasumi yelled,  
breaking into the changeroom, swinging her bokken like a pro."  
  
"YIPE!" Ranma screamed and ran away, Kasumi following just  
after.  
  
"He... He... He doesn't remember," Akane said, all the emotion  
draining out of her voice.  
  
Nabiki winced in sympathy. "It must have been the spice. He  
was pretty incoherent by the time the two of you got down to cases  
last night." She looked at the crestfallen expression on her  
sister's face. "I'm sorry, Akane. At least you've beaten the other  
girls."  
  
Akane nodded, her face pointed down at the floor and her fists  
clenched and shaking.  
  
"They'll pay for this," Akane swore. "They'll pay..."  
  
Nabiki nodded in agreement. "I swear, Akane. I'll help you  
extract your rev--"  
  
"Oh, but first," Akane declared. "But First..."  
  
"But first?"  
  
"First, I'm going to give Ranma something he'll remember! Oh,  
Ranma-bakaaaaa!"  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
This was bad bad bad. Passion Spice is one of the most overused  
Cliches in Ranma FF, and I used it anyway. Oh well... It was fun to  
write.  
  
Ranma and Co. are copyright Takahashi-sensei, Shogakukan and Viz.  
They're used here without permission.   
  
  
  



	2. The Furo Follies (Lemon)

This is a sequel to 'Nine Inches of Passion Spice', which can   
be found at: http://www.furinkan.net/fanfic  
  
Enjoy!  
  
------------------------------  
  
It had been a few weeks since the 'Passion Dumpling  
Incident', as the Tendous had come to refer to it, and Nodoka  
Saotome was becoming rather concerned.  
  
Ranma had been so manly for Akane that night! He had  
been manly for her untill at least four A.M., because that's  
when Nodoka remembered hearing the last of the screams.  
  
Afterwards, however, Ranma seemed to have no memory of  
the incident and had beaten both his father and father-in-law  
senseless over the wedding plans the two had been building.  
  
Akane, who seemed rather enthusiastic about the whole  
thing afterwards, had not been able to catch Ranma again so  
that he could re-prove how manly he could be.  
  
This would not do, Nodoka thought to herself. Now, how  
best to correct the situation?  
  
"Ranma-chan? Where are you, Ranma-chan?"  
  
------------------------------  
Nodoka the Queen:  
The Furo Follies  
  
A lemon/lime Spritzer by  
Chris Jones  
------------------------------  
  
  
Ranma was busy scrubbing off when she heard the door to  
the bathroom open.  
  
"I'm in here!" she shouted. Geez! Sharing a single  
bathroom with no fewer than six people, seven when Ryouga was  
around, *really* sucked. He really did need to talk to Akane's  
father about getting a schedule in place.  
  
There were a few scuffling sounds in the changing room,  
so Ranma turned to the door and shouted again, "I'm in here!  
And I'm *bathing*! As in, *I'm Undressed*! You shouldn't come  
in unless-- YIPE!!!"  
  
There is a sight that, rather confusingly, no man really  
wants to see even though it can be extremely beautiful or  
arousing under the right circumstances. For Ranma, the sight  
of her smiling, naked mother was really, really,  
uncomfortable.  
  
*Face FRONT!!!!* Ranma screamed in her own head. She  
jerked completely upright and turned her head towards the furo  
so that he wouldn't be able to see. She suddenly realized what  
the term 'Mother Naked' could be referring to.  
  
"Ranma-chan! Would you like me to wash your back?"  
Nodoka asked as she hung her towel on a convenient hook next  
to the door.  
  
"Na-na-na-na-na-NO! No, Mom! I'll be okay, really!  
Really!" Ranma stammered. *Oh, god! She's bein' all weird  
again!*  
  
"Oh, Ranma-chan! You're so silly. It's no wonder all the  
girls like you so much!"  
  
Ranma gulped audibly as he heard the tell-tale splash of  
footsteps behind her. She could feel her mother's warm breath  
on her back as the woman began to lather up a wash-cloth. She  
dare not look backwards in case she saw something that she  
didn't want to.  
  
"So muscular, even when you're a girl," Nodoka stated in  
a quiet tone as she began to scrub. "You'll be such a good  
husband for Akane-chan."  
  
Ranma gasped as the washcloth touched her back and began  
to scrub up and down, propelled by gentle, slender fingers.  
  
"M-m-m-m-m-m..."  
  
"Is something wrong, Ranma-chan?" Nodoka asked, her lips  
just above Ranma's ear. The girl could feel her mother's  
breath rush past her ear. The sensation was almost tingling.  
"You're trembling, dear one. Are you cold?"  
  
"No!" Ranma yelped.  
  
Nodoka nonetheless leaned closer to Ranma and wrapped  
her arms around the smaller girl, crushing her into Nodoka's  
ample bosom. Ranma's eyes bugged out and her jaw locked close.  
  
"Now, let's wash your front," Nodoka stated. She lowered  
one hand and brought the washcloth around to Ranma's neck and  
began to scrub. The cloth, and Nodoka's slender, probing  
fingers darted lower and lower until---  
  
"YAHHH! I already washed there!" Ranma proclaimed,  
horrified at the fingers that were running back and forth  
across her nipples. She began to struggle, but Nodoka's grip  
tightened. Ranma felt Nodoka's knees press up against her  
waist, holding her down on the short stool. She cupped Ranma's  
breasts and began to squeeze them with soapy fingers.  
  
"Oh, but we have to make sure to get everything clean,  
or you'll be smelly. You wouldn't want to be smelly for Akane,  
would you?" Nodoka asked in a quiet whisper, directly into  
Ranma's ear.  
  
Ranma began to shake.  
  
Nodoka giggled quietly and let her hands dart lower,  
soaping Ranma's midsection.  
  
"Now, spread your legs just a bit so that mother can  
make sure you're all clean..."  
  
* * *  
  
Soun was just about to move in for the kill, taking no  
fewer than nine of Genma's go stones when the wet, soapy, and  
above all *naked* Ranma ran through the front-room screaming  
her head off.  
  
One soapy foot landed right in the middle of the playing  
board sending black and white stones flying in all directions.  
One impacted Soun in the forehead and adhered for several  
seconds with soapy water.  
  
"Oh... my..." Genma muttered.  
  
Seconds later, Nodoka came running through the front  
room, also naked as the day she was born, chasing after Ranma  
with a bar of soap and a washcloth. "Wait, Ranma-chan! Mother  
hasn't finished bathing you yet!"  
  
Genma had a nosebleed and passed out.  
  
Soun rose and plucked the wet go stone from his  
forehead. He walked out the open shoji to the dojo. Inside, he  
knelt and began praying in front of the family altar. When  
that didn't work, he took a bamboo shinai from the rack and  
began to beat himself about the head and face.  
  
"Impure thoughts! Impure thoughts!"  
  
* * *  
  
To say Akane was shocked when a wet, soapy, naked Ranma  
burst into her room was an understatement.  
  
"Ranma? What the *hell* are you doing?"  
  
"Hide me, Akane! Please!" Ranma shouted. Still shaking,  
The red-head whimpered and dove into Akane's closet. Seconds  
later, Nodoka burst into the room, every bit as naked as Ranma  
had been. She looked around wildly, with a burning expression.  
  
"Akane-chan," Nodoka breathed heavily. "Have you seen my  
darling son?"  
  
"Ah... no. No, Aunty," Akane lied. "I haven't seen  
Ranma. Uhh..." She gulped, seeing Nodoka's rather impressive  
attributes for the first time. "Maybe he ahh... ahh... went to  
the library to study?"  
  
"Well, that's not very manly, is it?" Nodoka said in  
exasperation.  
  
Akane couldn't help but grimace. Sure Aunty Nodoka was a  
little, well... STRANGE, but this was bizarre!  
  
"Maybe he's peeping on girls somewhere?" Akane said in a  
questioning tone.  
  
Nodoka's expression brightened considerably. "Yes... My  
Ranma-chan would do that sort of thing. He's so manly and  
virile!"  
  
"Hey!" A voice came from the closet.  
  
"What was that?" Nodoka asked.  
  
Akane picked a dumbbell up off her floor and hurled it  
through the closet, where Ranma's voice had come from. There  
was a muffled squeak of pain.  
  
"Cockroach," Akane said, her expression narrowing. "I'll  
have to get Kasumi to get some traps. In the meantime, I'll  
just use my mallet."  
  
"Oh, wonderful!" Nodoka said. "I'll go try to find my  
son. You help Kasumi take care of the house. It will be your  
responsibility one day, after all."  
  
Akane sighed and shook her head. "Maybe you should dry  
off and put some clothes on before you leave the house,  
Aunty."  
  
"Hmm, what a good idea, Akane-chan. I wouldn't want any  
of those naughty, violent boys that Ranma plays with to get  
any ideas about me."  
  
Akane just blinked.  
  
Ranma waited for several minutes to pass before she  
stuck her head back out of the closet.  
  
"Is she gone?" the naked redhead asked.  
  
Akane, still staring at the door in shock, nodded her  
head. "Geez, Ranma. You're mom is wierd."  
  
Ranma exhaled heavily. "It's really starting to frighten  
me."  
  
"Maybe you should talk to Doctor Toufuu," Nabiki said  
from the open doorway. She was holding a camcorder.  
  
"N-n-nabiki?" Akane and Ranma asked in unison.  
  
"You didn't tape all that did you?" Ranma asked meekly.  
  
"Most of it," Nabiki admitted. "Although, I didn't get  
any of what went on in the bathroom. I'm certain that Kunou-  
chan would find this most interest--"  
  
"No!" Ranma yelled, cutting the girl off. "What do I  
have to do?"  
  
"Five thousand yen for the tape," Nabiki offered with a  
smile on her face. "And that's with the family discount."  
  
"Nabiki!" Akane protested. "How could you?"  
  
"I'm just bad, I guess," the taller girl said. "Really  
though, Ranma, I think you should talk to Doctor Toufuu.  
That's just not normal behavior."  
  
"M-maybe," Ranma said.  
  
* * *  
  
A few days later, Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki waited  
patiently in Toufuu's waiting room.  
  
After being gone only a few minutes, the doctor came  
out, holding a manilla folder in front of him.  
  
"Is that it?" Nabiki asked.  
  
Toufuu nodded. "It was difficult to get, and it really  
should stay confidential, but this is Nodoka Saotome's medical  
history. I wouldn't share it with all of you unless you were  
family or about to be, anyway," Toufuu said, a cautioning tone  
in his voice.  
  
"So what's the scoop, Doc?" Ranma asked. "Is there  
anything in there that would explain why my mom was being...  
being... being... so..."  
  
"Perverted?" Akane finished.  
  
Toufuu shrugged. "There are a few things that might...  
First of all, Nodoka had you when she was relatively young,  
Ranma. She's only thirty right now, so--"  
  
"Fourteen years old," Nabiki calculated. "Wow, what an  
early bloomer. Akane still thought boys were yucky last year  
when she was fifteen."  
  
"Nabiki!"  
  
"The dirty old man!" Ranma snapped. "What a perv! Taking  
advantage of such a young girl"  
  
"Well, at least we know that you come by it honestly,"  
Akane chided him.  
  
"Secondly, and perhaps most importantly," Toufuu stated,  
"Your mother has a rare but fairly well documented hormone  
imbalance, Ranma. From the information here, I believe that  
your mother may be a nymphomaniac."  
  
"Nintendo-what?" Ranma demanded.  
  
"Nymphomaniac," Nabiki explained. "It mean's she'll bonk  
anything on two legs, right doctor?"  
  
"Wow, Ranma!" Akane said, a hint of surprise in her  
voice. "You really *are* a pervert by birth!"  
  
"Shut up, Akane!"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't have put it so bluntly," Toufuu said.  
"Essentially, it means that Nodoka Saotome is in a constant  
state of sexual arousal due to the hormone imbalance, and has  
been since early puberty. It would account for her wild  
behavior and early... *ahem*... maturation. Ahem." Toufuu  
cleared his throat for several seconds.  
  
"GROWF!!!" The giant panda growled as he burst into the  
clinic. *IT'S TRUE!* his sign read. *THE WOMAN IS  
INSATIABLE!!!*  
  
"What the hell are you doing here, Pops?" Ranma asked in  
irritation.  
  
*FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET HER, NODOKA HAS BEEN TRYING TO  
GET ME IN BED! THE WOMAN HAS THE STAMINA OF GODZILLA ON  
VIAGRA.*  
  
"It also says that Nodoka had a tubal ligation when she  
was sixteen," Toufuu said quietly.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma asked.  
  
"She had her tubes tied so that she couldn't have any  
more children," Nabiki said, realizing that Ranma really  
didn't know what the phrase meant. "Most doctors won't do that  
unless a woman is over thirty or already has more than one  
child."  
  
*SHE TRIED TO SEDUCE THE SURGEON ONLY *HOURS* AFTER THE  
SURGERY,* Genma's sign read. *NO ONE MAN IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO  
SATISFY THAT WOMAN'S LUSTS! CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR TAKING RANMA  
AWAY ON THE TRAINING JOURNEY WHEN I DID? I WOULD HAVE LASTED  
ONLY A FEW MORE YEARS AT BEST*  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Ranma asked.  
  
*I THOUGHT THAT SHE HAD FINALLY GROWN OUT OF HER INSANE  
LUSTS WHEN I RETURNED, BUT AFTER THE 'PASSION DUMPLINGS', I  
CAN'T KEEP HER OFF ME! I'M DYING HERE, BOY!*  
  
Genma reached over and pulled a kettle off a hotplate on  
the doctor's desk. He was changed and dressed in the blink of  
an eye.  
  
"Ranma," the bald man pleaded. "If your mother has  
turned her attentions toward you, you *must* satisfy her! I  
simply don't have the stamina any more. I'm not as young as I  
used to be!"  
  
"Yuuck!" Ranma groaned.  
  
"That's sick, Uncle Saotome!" Akane said, brandishing  
her mallet. "Ranma wouldn't do any such thing! Would you?"  
  
Ranma was quietly dry-heaving in the corner.  
  
"I think I have a naughty romance novel like that,"  
Nabiki murmured. "*Very* naughty, as a matter of fact."  
  
As Akane was demolishing her father-in-law to be, Toufuu  
coughed and began to speak. "AAnnnyyyway, what happened to  
Ranma might just be a symptom of her increased arousal. As  
your physician, Ranma, I can pretty safely advise *against*  
committing incest with your mother. In fact, she may not even  
realize she's making you so uncomfortable."  
  
"Die, you perverted old thief!" Akane yelled, pounding  
Genma's head through the hardwood floor. "This is for taking  
advantage of young women! And This is for getting Ranma's  
mother pregnant when she was only thirteen!"  
  
"Fourteen," the crumpled blob protested. "Her birthday's  
right after Ranma's."  
  
"And this is for leeching off my family for an entire  
year..." Akane continued, undaunted.  
  
"I recommend talking to your mother," Toufuu said to  
Ranma. "Try to make her understand that the way she's acting  
is making you uncomfortable. She's an intelligent woman, so  
I'm certain she'll understand what you're talking about."  
  
"Maybe..." Ranma muttered.  
  
* * *  
  
Later that day, late evening actually, Ranma finally  
worked up the courage to speak to his mother again. It was an  
hour or so after dinner when he walked up the stairs to the  
guest room. He knocked on the door, and yelled loudly enough  
to be heard inside. "Mom? Are you in there? I'd like to talk  
to-- YIPE!"  
  
Nodoka slid the door open and stared at her son with  
heavily lidded eyes. Ranma didn't know the names for  
everything she was wearing, but it all fit under the category  
of 'Scary Vinyl Lingerie'.  
  
The ensemble began with a shiny black choker-necklace  
and traveled down her body to a merry-widow type cupless  
bustier made of the same material. There was just enough vinyl  
there to lift and support her breasts, but nowhere near enough  
to even have the *idea* of concealing the swell of her breasts  
or her firm, very erect nipples. The bustier ended in garters  
that traveled down over the top of a vinyl thong to hold lace  
stockings up on her legs. Also on her legs were knee-high  
black vinyl boots with heels that looked impossible to walk  
on.  
  
"Hello, Ranma-chan," Nodoka greeted him in a quiet,  
breathy voice.  
  
"Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah..." Ranma's mind shut down, leaving  
his mouth to work wordlessly.  
  
Behind her, Genma was hogtied on one of the futons in  
only his bandanna and a pair of polka-dot boxers. "Save me,  
boy!" he mouthed.  
  
Nodoka snapped the small cat-o'-nine-tails she was  
holding against her thigh playfully. "Do you like you're  
mother's outfit, Ranma-chan?" Nodoka asked.  
  
"Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah..."  
  
"Does it inspire you to be manly? I certainly hope it  
inspires your father to be manly. He hasn't been performing  
his husbandly duties very well lately."  
  
"Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah..."  
  
Nodoka cupped her pretty-much unclad breasts, almost  
shoving them in Ranma's face. "What you do think, Ranma-chan?"  
  
"Ah..." Self preservation finally kicked in. "Ah-  
gottagobyeseeyalatersayanorawasntimportantanywaybetteryouthanm  
ePops!"  
  
Ranma zoomed off back down the hallway, leaving a  
pigtailed dust cloud in his wake.  
  
"Hmm... That boy is so shy. I'll *have* to put some more  
backbone into him," Nodoka declared. "Now, Genma..."  
  
"Yes dear?" the martial artist whimpered.  
  
"Let's see how well you perform your duties tonight,  
ne?" She snapped the leather flail again.  
  
Genma began to cry.  
  
* * *  
  
Akane had had enough! Ranma was *her* man! Err.. well...  
after the 'Passion Dumpling Incident', he had *better* damn  
well be her man. He sure as hell better not screw anyone else,  
especially not his own mother.  
  
As it was, Ranma had been running scared for almost a  
week. Worse, every time he went to take a bath, Nodoka was  
close behind, almost instantly driving Ranma from the  
bathroom.  
  
"Pathetic!" Akane thought out loud.  
  
Akane had had enough. That's why she had Ranma gagged  
and hogtied to her bed. The redhead screamed into the gag and  
struggled to get free, but Akane had tied her knots well. She  
also took the precaution of making sure she tied up a female  
Ranma rather than a male one, since Ranma would be much less  
likely to be able to break the ropes as a girl.  
  
"We'll settle this once and for all, Ranma," Akane  
declared.  
  
* * *  
  
"I'm getting in the bath!"  
  
Nodoka smirked evilly at the statement as she heard her  
son's... err... daughter's voice from the front room. She  
quickly located her bath things and made her way downstairs to  
the furo. By the time she entered the changing room, she could  
hear the water running in the other room, and see steam  
boiling out from under the door.  
  
She quickly yet carefully stripped down and slid the  
door open. The heater on the furo was set to the maximum  
level, causing steam to rush past her. In the foggy haze, she  
could just see her child's red pigtail in the middle of the  
room.  
  
"Ranma-chan," Nodoka breathed. "We never did finish  
washing you the other day."  
  
The pigtail twitched. Nodoka caught a glimpse of creamy-  
white shoulder, and couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Be a good boy and stay still so Mother can get you all  
clean."  
  
She knelt down behind the girl again, and brought a  
lathered cloth up to her back.  
  
Suddenly, the figure turned in the mist and grabbed  
Nodoka's wrist.  
  
"Who?"  
  
The girl yanked the pigtail, causing the red wig to fall  
away. Akane stood before her, holding her at arms length by  
her wrist.  
  
"This has got to stop, Aunty Saotome. If for no other  
reason than it's upsetting Ranma."  
  
"But Dear," Nodoka protested. "I'm just trying to be a  
good mother to my son. I didn't get to watch him growing up,  
so--"  
  
"No!" Akane yelled. "That's not it at all! You're  
getting too close to Ranma! He's mine, not yours! I won't let  
you take him from me."  
  
Akane blinked at her own statement, and felt tears begin  
to fill her eyes at the verbal admission.  
  
Nodoka's expression turned to a pout, but quickly  
changed back into a wicked smile. "Why... Akane-chan! I knew  
you felt strongly for my darling son, but I had no idea you  
would go to such lengths to protect him. My Ranma is truly  
manly if he can inspire such passion in you."  
  
"Aunty? Hey, it's not like that!"  
  
"Oh, but I think it is," Nodoka said.  
  
Before Akane realized what was going on, Nodoka had  
broken the wrist hold and spun Akane back around. Akane found  
herself pinned against the woman's breasts, and unable to  
struggle.  
  
"Oh, Akane... You're so inspiring! As a mother to a  
daughter-in-law, I feel so close to you right now!"  
  
"That's because you're feeling me up!" Akane yelled in  
protest as Nodoka began to gently knead the short-haired  
girl's breasts.  
  
"Oh, Akane! You're such a perfect wife for my darling  
Ranma-chan. I know that you'll perform all your wifely duties  
so well... Nnnn..."  
  
"Aunty... no... please!" Akane begged as Nodoka's hands  
began to roam up and down her torso. Her teeth clenched in  
panic, and she was blushing so deeply, it felt like her skin  
was on fire.  
  
Nodoka began to firmly ground her hips into Akane's  
buttocks. "Oh, Akane-chan," she purred into Akane's ear.  
"You're such a good daughter-in-law."  
  
One slender hand began to trail down Akane's firm  
stomach, and past her waist.  
  
"No, Aunty, please!" Akane struggled, but Nodoka's grip  
was like steel.  
  
With her free hand, Nodoka began to comb her fingers  
through Akane's thin delta.  
  
"Akane-chan," Nodoka whispered and started to suck  
Akane's earlobe. Almost forcefully, she pushed down lower and  
began to spread--  
  
"NO!!!" Akane screamed, breaking free and belting the  
woman across the chin with a powerful uppercut. Screaming, she  
ran from the bathroom, almost breaking the door in the  
process. In the changing room, she knocked down Nabiki, who  
was standing by the door with a microphone.  
  
Sitting on the floor, Nodoka rubbed her sore chin and  
smiled. She stood and ran after the girl.  
  
* * *  
  
Genma was finally about to attempt his three-stone sneak  
when the wet and soapy foot impacted the go-board, once again  
sending black and white go stones flying.  
  
He glanced up in shock to see a completely nude Akane,  
streaming both soap suds and water as she ran past screaming.  
Seconds later, Nodoka stepped in the middle of the board as  
well, in quite the same state of dress she had been wearing  
the first time a similar incident occurred.  
  
"Come back here, Akane-chan!" Nodoka demanded. "I'm not  
done bathing you yet!"  
  
Genma blinked. Across from him, Soun blinked.  
Wordlessly, the two men rose and walked out to the dojo. Soun  
took two shinai and handed one to Genma. They began to beat  
each other around the face and head.  
  
"IMPURE THOUGHTS!" Soun declared.  
  
"WICKED THOUGHTS!" Genma agreed.  
  
"IMPURE THOUGHTS!"  
  
"WICKED THOUGHTS!"  
  
"IMPURE THOUGHTS!"  
  
"WICKED THOUGHTS!"  
  
Meanwhile, Akane dashed up the stairs and dodged into  
her room. She slammed the door shut and locked it behind her.  
For several seconds, she braced her back against it, mentally  
daring anyone to try to open it.  
  
Her chest still heaving, she noted the still hogtied  
Ranma staring at her naked body with wide, trembling eyes.  
  
"What are you looking at, Pervert?"  
  
Ranma whimpered pathetically into the gag she was  
wearing.  
  
Akane was about to start screaming, but the breath  
caught in her throat as she realized how much her body still  
felt like it was on fire. Everywhere that Nodoka touched her,  
Akane could still feel a lingering pressure. Worse, she could  
still feel the motion as the woman's fingers trailed down in  
between her--  
  
"Ah--" Akane breathed.  
  
Ranma wondered what was wrong. Akane's eyes flashed with  
a mixture of anger and... and...  
  
Akane couldn't help but smile. Here she was, all hot and  
bothered, and there was Ranma, all tied up and mostly  
helpless.  
  
"Oh, Ranma-baka..." she cooed, stepping away from the  
door.  
  
Ranma's expression went from panic to terror.  
  
Akane giggled in a deep, throaty voice.  
  
"MMMPPPPHHHH!!!"  
  
"You don't have to be afraid, Ranma-baka! I'll be  
gentle," Akane promised, leaning over her captive and letting  
her naked breasts just touch Ranma's through her red chinese  
shirt.  
  
"MMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
"Mmmm..."  
  
Akane pulled down the gag, but she didn't give Ranma the  
opportunity to scream.  
  
"Now," Akane said when she had finished sucking on  
Ranma's lips, "let's see how much of your clothes we can get  
off while you're tied up like this, ne?"  
  
"Akane..." Ranma croaked out in a stunned voice.  
  
"You're *really* going to like this, Ranma," Akane said  
quietly, gently stroking the redheaded girl's cheek, "And this  
time, you'll remember it, won't you?"  
  
"Eep!"  
  
* * *  
  
Nodoka smiled, and pulled her ear away from the bedroom  
door. That was more like it. She was certain that Ranma could  
be manly for Akane, even if he was a girl!  
  
Now, what to do... what to do? Genma had been wearing  
out a little quicker the last few days. If she didn't give him  
some time to rest, he might run away again.  
  
Nodoka put a finger to her lips in thought. Oh, yes,  
Nabiki certainly was getting into a lot of trouble lately. It  
wasn't very nice to tape people without their permission. A  
wicked element returning to her smile, Nodoka took a few  
barefoot steps down the hallway and skipped back down the  
stairs, bouncing gratuitously with every hop. She found Nabiki  
coming back through the front room carrying her tape recorder  
and microphone.  
  
Nabiki skidded to a stop, her jaw dropping in surprise  
at the nude woman standing before her.  
  
"Aunty..."  
  
"Nabiki-chan... would you like to take a bath with me?"  
  
Nabiki turned tail and ran.  
  
"Nabiki-chan! Come back so Aunty can bathe you!"  
  
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!"  
  
Nabiki was in for an interesting evening.  
  
------------------------------  
  
Ranma and the others are property of Takahashi and Shogakukan.  
They're used here without permission.  
  
Notes:  
  
Yes, Akane *can* do impersonations. She impersonates Ranma's  
mother briefly to scare Ranma in vol 36.  
  
A bit more lemony that 'Nine Inches', but I had fun with it.  
I'm worried that it's not as funny as the last one. Tell me  
what you think!  
  
C.  
* * *  
  
http://www.furinkan.net  
  
Watashi ha ultra-relakusu!  
  
  
  
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	3. The Nerima Boys' Club

All my stories can be found at http://www.furinkan.net/fanfic/  
  
------------------------------  
PINK LEMONADE  
  
Konatsu the Queen  
  
~or~  
  
The Nerima Boys' Club  
  
A Lemon/Lime Spritzer by  
Chris Jones  
------------------------------  
  
"Dear Ukyou," the letter read. "I have come to the painful  
realization that my feelings for you are not and never will be  
returned, no matter how much I try tooo--"  
  
Konatsu jumped as Ukyou brushed his elbow. She was carrying a  
large barrel into the kitchen that was leaking a grainy black powder  
onto the floor behind her.  
  
"Sorry, 'Natsu. Just makin' some okonomiyaki," Ukyou  
explained in a harried voice.  
  
"Ah..." Konatsu said. "This would be for A..." he trailed  
off.  
  
"Akane. Yup. Girl needs some oknomiyaki. Damned man-stealing  
slut whore bitch gonna teach HER a lesson no freakin' way she's gonna  
steal MY Ran-chan!"  
  
"Oookay. I see. I'll just call the insurance company and make  
sure that we're covered for gunpowder explosions, shall I?"  
  
Konatsu was well acquainted with the art of using food as a  
weapon and knew that the practice was one of the major tenants of  
Ukyou's school of okonomiyaki-style martial arts. He saw nothing  
wrong with using sabotaged food as an end to a means. However, Ukyou  
now was using her art in a manner...  
  
It disturbed him. All of it disturbed him. Now that Ranma-  
sama's relationship with Akane had deepened somewhat, the fighting  
between her, Shampoo and Konatsu's mistress had reached a fever  
pitch. What really disturbed him was the fact that he really didn't  
understand what had happened between Ranma and Akane to cement their  
relationship so well.  
  
The kunoichi sighed. Konatsu was a very confused ninja. He  
asked Ranma to explain it all to him, but had only managed to  
embarrass the other martial artist. In the end, Ranma had taken him  
aside and given him an illustrated magazine that clearly illustrated  
the anatomical differences between boys and girls. It had been an  
eye-opening and leg-crossing experience. Despite that fact, Konatsu  
still had a difficult time remembering which was which. This was only  
complicated by the fact that Ukyou, the woman with whom Konatsu spent  
the most time, still acted very masculine.  
  
Konatsu loved Ukyou-sama dearly, but as the days passed since  
Akane and Ranma managed to complete what Konatsu had first seen  
demonstrated on pages 34 and 35 of the magazine, the chef had grown  
increasingly more unstable and adamant in her revenge.  
  
It all came to a head earlier that day. Konatsu had heard  
Ukyou telling herself that the situation wasn't as bad as she thought  
it was because both Ranma and Akane were drugged at the time. (He  
wasn't sure what that meant, but he had learned not to bring it up.)  
He felt like she was pretty stable and getting back into the swing of  
things when Ranma and Akane came into the restaurant. Ranma was  
wearing his usual Chinese clothes, but Akane was wearing a loose  
white blouse and a skirt so short that it kept flaring up above the  
tops of her stockings and displaying a truly licentious amount of  
thigh.  
  
Konatsu believed that Ukyou's glare wouldn't have been so  
intense if Ranma's face hadn't been entirely red or if his eyes  
hadn't kept focusing on the bottom of his 'uncute' fiancee's skirt.  
  
Akane, her smiling face very nearly as red as Ranma's, asked  
to be seated in a booth rather than their customary seat at the  
counter. Konatsu obliged, leading them over to a corner seat. Ranma  
sidled in next to, rather than across from Akane, who was snuggled up  
as close as she could get to the martial artist.  
  
A chance glimpse as Akane was sitting down informed the ninja  
that she did not seem to be wearing all the usual undergarments that  
he understood that young women were supposed to wear. If Konatsu were  
any more masculine, he would have had a nosebleed, because Akane  
seemed match the illustration on page 48 pretty closely.  
  
The two ordered their okonomiyaki, which Konatsu dutifully  
wrote down and took back to the grill. After cooking them, Ukyou  
decided to deliver them herself so that she could keep a closer eye  
on the two. Konatsu followed along just in case he could do anything  
to help.  
  
When the two arrived at the table, Ranma's eyes were wide  
open, and he was gripping the table as if in extreme concentration or  
fright. Akane was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Did Akane take off already?" Ukyou asked, sitting down in  
the seat across from him, her chin resting on her folded hands. "Such  
a shame! Well, there's more for you, Ran-chan!"  
  
There was a rustling sound from under the table. Ukyou  
blinked.  
  
Akane leaned up, apparently from Ranma's lap, and demurely  
wiped her mouth.  
  
"Oh, I'm right here, Ukyou-chan!" Akane said cheerfully.  
  
Ukyou's face paled. Ranma was still staring off into the  
distance.  
  
"You certainly did make those quickly!" the short-haired girl  
giggled.  
  
"You-you-you..." Ukyou stammered, her fists alternately  
clenching and unclenching. Her eyes were wide with disbelief.  
  
"Was something wrong with Ranma-sama's pants?" Konatsu asked.  
  
Ukyou growled, her capacity for speech leaving her in her  
rage.  
  
"Not any more, Konatsu-san!" Akane said, grinning wickedly  
all the while. "I think I've taken care of the problem."  
  
A small trickle of blood ran from Ranma's left nostril and  
dripped down off his lips to splatter against the okonomiyaki left  
uneaten in front of him.  
  
"AKANE, YOU WHORE!" Ukyou screamed, brandishing her spatula.  
  
The fight destroyed the booth, but Ranma took the majority of  
the injuries. In the end, Akane took Ranma by the arm and ran  
giggling down the street from Ucchan's, her naked bottom flashing  
behind her as her skirt fluttered in the wind.  
  
Later, after the mess had been cleaned up and Ukyou started  
in on her battle preparations, Konatsu realized that Ranma and Akane  
had been doing approximately the same thing described in one of the  
reader-submitted letters on page 97.  
  
Konatsu knew that the end of their relationship as boss and  
hopeful employee had come to an end when Ukyou demanded that he try  
to seduce Akane (Since the chef was *certain* the girl was a closet  
lesbian) after the incident so that Ukyou could try to make time, as  
she so delicately put it, with Ranma.  
  
Konatsu would do *anything* for Ukyou... except... love  
another woman. In the kunoichi's mind, there was no difference  
between sex and love because he really didn't know what the two  
involved regardless of all the helpful illustrations. The person  
Konatsu loved and wanted to love was Ukyou. Ukyou loved Ranma. That  
was something the ninja could live with. Ukyou wanted Konatsu to love  
someone else. That was something he could not abide.  
  
Seeing the explosive batch of okonomiyaki in the making,  
Konatsu sighed and said a brief prayer. He continued to write his  
letter.  
  
"I have come to the painful realization that my feelings for  
you are not and never will be returned, no matter how much I try to  
show you how I care."  
  
He chewed the pencil while Ukyou sang a cheery little tune  
about dicing Akane's brains and liver onto an okonomiyaki.  
  
* * *  
  
Later that evening, Ranma and Akane sat in the guest room of  
the Tendou home, playing cards. Well, they were playing a game that  
involved the use of cards at any rate. Ranma gulped loudly as he  
shuffled the cards. He put the deck on the tatami mat in front of  
him.  
  
Wearing only a long white blouse, her bra, and a pair of  
white lace stockings, Akane leaned over and cut the deck, her eyes  
never leaving Ranma's.  
  
Ranma pushed two cards off the top of the deck. He took one  
and gave the other to his fiancee.  
  
Akane had the six of clubs. Ranma had a jack.  
  
Smiling, Akane stood to her stocking feet. Ranma's eyes  
followed her all the way up. Trembling, shaking like a leaf in the  
wind actually, he pointed.  
  
Smiling wickedly, Akane nodded and began to slowly unbutton  
her blouse. It seemed to take forever, and Ranma's eyes took in every  
motion of her fingers, every titillating gesture as the girl's hands  
slowly trailed up her front. Finally, Akane pulled the blouse over  
the top of her head, revealing her pristine white brassiere and naked  
delta.  
  
*WHACK*  
  
It sounded like someone had just been thoroughly spanked. The  
moment interrupted, both Ranma and Akane stared at the door to the  
guest room.  
  
"AGHHH! Aunty Saotome! What--"  
  
"Nabiki-chan!" Ranma's mother's voice sounded from behind the  
closed sliding door. "We've already discussed how impolite it is to  
eavesdrop."  
  
"B-b-b-but--" Nabiki's stammering voice tried to reply.  
  
"No, I think you'll have to be punished again, or you'll  
never learn your lesson. What will it be this time?"  
  
"Please, not the whip!" Nabiki begged.  
  
Ranma sweatdropped.  
  
"The clamps?" Nodoka suggested.  
  
Outside the door, Nabiki began to blubber in sheer panic.  
  
"The pony?" Nodoka asked.  
  
Akane looked at Ranma questioningly. The pigtailed martial  
artist shrugged and shook his head. "No clue," he mouthed.  
  
"Hmmm... The ice-cubes then."  
  
"Oh please no, Aunty!"  
  
"Come along, Nabiki-chan. If nothing else, this will keep you  
out of trouble."  
  
Akane couldn't help but clutch her sides and giggle silently.  
  
Ranma shook his head, glad that it wasn't him.  
  
"Ready?" Akane asked after she heard Nabiki's door close from  
down the hall.  
  
Ranma nodded and began to shuffle the cards again.  
  
The game they returned to was very simple. It was every bit  
as direct as a man and woman who want to touch and be touched.  
Without being agreed upon, it also neatly avoided any test of skill  
and left the outcome completely up to chance. Without that little  
caveat, Akane knew, she would *never* get her clothes off.  
  
Ranma, still clad in his red Chinese shirt and loose canvas  
pants, finished shuffling the deck and allowed Akane to cut it.  
  
He drew the ace of diamonds. Akane drew a 2.  
  
Akane smiled from ear to ear. She was winning.  
  
Ranma was shaking like an off-balanced washing machine by  
this point. Trembling badly, he gestured falteringly.  
  
"B-b-b-b-b-b--"  
  
"Ranma?"  
  
"B-b-b--"  
  
"Bra?" Akane asked.  
  
Ranma nodded.  
  
"Not the stockings?" Akane asked in a teasing tone.  
  
"N-no."  
  
*YES!!!* Akane cheered to herself.  
  
"No Auntie! Not the feather duster!" Nabiki cried from the  
next room. "Anything but the feather duster!"  
  
* * *  
  
The next morning found Konatsu wandering the streets of  
Nerima district, tired, weary and looking for somewhere to sleep. He  
put Ukyou to bed the previous evening after she had whipped up a  
dangerous amount of explosive okonomiyaki. He put most of those in  
the dumpster, but then felt really bad when the explosion he  
accidentally triggered launched the receptacle into the air for parts  
unknown. Someone was getting a really interesting present right about  
now, he thought.  
  
Once he had cleaned the restaurant from top to bottom and  
disposed of the rest of the unused gunpowder, he made a second draft  
of his note and left it on the grill for Ukyou.  
  
The one thing he had not considered was the fact that he  
really didn't know a lot about Nerima or Tokyo in general. He had  
been raised in the woods, and the only thing he knew besides Ninjitsu  
was being a servant of some kind. Of course being a waitress was a  
hell of a lot better than being a scullery maid and boot-scraper, but  
now he had neither. He *couldn't* go back to Ucchan's, as desperately  
as he wanted to and he couldn't go back to the Sexy Kunoichi Teashop  
because, well, it wasn't there anymore. His stepmother and  
stepsisters didn't bother to rebuild after Ranma, Ukyou and Akane  
demolished the place.  
  
He stopped for a few minutes in front of a restaurant,  
sitting on the short brick wall in front of it. He stared in the  
windows, looking at all the attractive customers and all the  
scrumptious-looking breakfasts they were eating. One in particular  
stood out. It was a golden brown croissant delicately spread with  
cream cheese and blueberry topping. His mouth started to water as he  
watched the young woman lift the croissant to her delicate pink lips.  
Her tongue darted out just before she bit down to catch a stray crumb  
of pastry.  
  
Konatsu sighed in longing. The girl brought the pastry back  
up. He stared hungrily as it slowly, ever so slowly, approached her  
mouth again.  
  
"Living such a luxurious life with Ukyou-sama has made me  
weak," he bemoaned his fate. "I'm unfit," he murmured, his stomach  
grumbling as he watched the pastry hover... and hover... and...  
  
Konatsu realized that the short-haired girl was staring at  
him, the pastry held uneaten just in front of her face.  
  
His eyes widened in horror. He was making her uncomfortable!  
He was about to run away, when the girl put the pastry down and  
walked out the door.  
  
"Stop!" she yelled, before Konatsu ran off. "You're Konatsu,  
right?"  
  
"Yes?" he said, unsure of how the girl knew him.  
  
"I'm Nabiki, Akane's sister," she introduced himself. "You  
look hungry."  
  
"Oh... no, I couldn't impose!" he declared.  
  
"You'll owe me," Nabiki said. "With 20 percent interest over  
90 days."  
  
"Ah," Konatsu said, suddenly remember that every time Ranma  
had spoken of his sister-in-law, it was usually in the context of  
being very firmly fleeced. Still, he was hungry. He followed the girl  
back inside the restaurant and allowed her to order another croissant  
for him.  
  
"Thank you, Nabiki-sama," Konatsu said, bowing his head  
deeply.  
  
"Hmmm..." Nabiki said, smiling at the honorific. "Why aren't  
you with Ukyou? I thought you lived with her," she asked, fishing for  
information.  
  
"It's a long story," Konatsu said. "She... asked me to do  
something that was... *ahem*... distasteful."  
  
"Wanted you to shag my sister, huh?"  
  
Konatsu's eyes widened in shock as Nabiki finished her pastry  
and began a second.  
  
"I'll take that as a qualified yes," Nabiki said. "Two  
homeless people," she said. "How sad."  
  
"Nabiki-sama?" Konatsu asked. "You-- ?"  
  
"I packed my bags this morning. Life at the Tendou Dojo has  
gotten a bit racy for me. I just can't keep my nose out of it, and  
that's starting to become hazardous."  
  
"I don't understand," Konatsu admitted, knowing that she was  
probably referring to Ranma and Akane's relationship.  
  
Nabiki pulled an innocent looking clip out of her pocket. "Do  
you have any clue what this is?"  
  
"Not really," he said. It didn't look quite sturdy enough to  
be used in his line of work.  
  
"It's a nipple clamp," Nabiki whispered.  
  
Konatsu's face turned bright red. He covered his ruby lips  
with his hands in shock.  
  
"I spent most of last night in a pair of these," she said in  
a matter-of-fact tone. "According to Ranma's mother, they're the  
standard punishment for eavesdropping at my place now and heaven help  
me, I still wanted to spy on Ranma and Akane when she was done with  
me."  
  
"Nabiki-sama!" Konatsu hissed in embarrassment.  
  
"I've got rope burns on my ankles," Nabiki admitted, her  
eyelids drooping, "and whip marks on my ass. I'm still not certain  
I've gotten all the chocolate pudding out yet. Simply put, my  
curiosity is getting the better of me. I had to leave! It was for my  
own safety!"  
  
Konatsu realized that the girl was every bit as weary as he  
was, and almost delirious from her exhaustion.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked.  
  
"It's not that I mind the attention," Nabiki said, a  
trembling finger on her chin. "But I'm afraid I'm starting to like  
it. I needed to get out and..." she trailed to a stop.  
  
"You're very tired," Konatsu noted. "Do you need to go  
somewhere to lay down?"  
  
"Like I got anywhere," Nabiki muttered. "I've got to find a  
place to sleep before I can lay down. I was going to go to a hotel,  
but I got hungry first," she admitted. "Even then, I can't rest. I  
have some money saved up, but not enough to last indefinitely. I have  
to start making more so that I can be secure."  
  
Konatsu nodded seriously, a chord in his own heart ringing.  
Before Ranma and Akane had gotten serious, he had never felt more  
secure than at Ucchan's. Before that, the tea shop had not been much,  
but at least it was a roof over his head.  
  
"Need to start a full-scale business," Nabiki muttered,  
sipping at her coffee. "Open a shop or something."  
  
"I wish I could reopen the Sexy Kunoichi Teashop," he said,  
agreeing. "I even saw a building for rent on the way over. I'd never  
be able to manage it," he lamented. "The only thing I'm worse at than  
making Ukyou happy is dealing with money."  
  
A golden glint crossed Nabiki's eyes.  
  
"That's right," she said. "You know all about running a  
teashop."  
  
"Sort of," Konatsu said truthfully. "I know how to make tea  
and serve drinks. Mostly, I just watched my sisters try to seduce  
male customers." he shuddered at the memory.  
  
"Not a teashop," Nabiki mused, the need for sleep becoming  
almost too strong to deny. She put her face down on the table. "A  
club," she said in a muffled voice. "You could run the club part, and  
I would take care of the business end... for a significant fee of  
course."  
  
"A club?" he asked. "Like with a oath and a secret handshake?  
I wouldn't have to try to get the male customers to sleep with me,  
would I?"  
  
"No, silly!" Nabiki said. "Like a dance club. Where people  
could dance and have fun..." she sighed deeply, her eyes almost, but  
not quite closing. "And wouldn't have to worry about nymphomaniac  
aunts doing things to them that they weren't sure they were going to  
like..."  
  
"Nabiki-sama?"  
  
The girl's shoulders slumped, and her eyes closed completely.  
  
"Nabiki-sama?"  
  
"ZZzzzz....."  
  
"Nabiki?"  
  
Even sitting up, Nabiki looked comfortable. Konatsu simply  
couldn't help himself. He moved over to the other side of the booth  
and cuddled in next to her.  
  
"Damn my weakness," he said before falling asleep as well. He  
dreamed about nipple clamps.  
  
* * *  
  
  
"Hmmm... Shampoo?" Cologne asked, hopping out of the  
restaurant briefly as Shampoo started to ready her bicycle for her  
morning ramen deliveries. "Do you hear an odd noise?"  
  
"Like whistle, Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo acknowledged,  
looking around curiously. "It getting louder."  
  
"Yes... rather disturbing. Rather like--"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
The whistling sound continued to grow.  
  
"Rather like a bomb dropping," Cologne said in an unsettled  
tone of voice.  
  
There was a brief silence between the two, punctuated only by  
the growing noise.  
  
Shampoo looked to the sky. Cologne turned and hopped back  
inside her restaurant and quickly propped a table against the door.  
  
*BOOM*  
  
The dumpster impacted just in front of the Nekohanten. A wave  
of burnt, sticky okonomiyaki batter spread away from ground zero in a  
radial wave, leaving sweet-smelling destruction in its path.  
  
Shampoo picked up her bicycle and wiped the batter from her  
eyes.  
  
"Are you all right, Shampoo?" Cologne asked, poking her head  
outside the now okonomiyaki-smeared ramen joint.  
  
"Aiyah."  
  
"Shampoo?"  
  
"Spatula girl *dies*." Shampoo stated before storming back  
inside.  
  
* * *  
  
*SLAP*  
  
"Hey, wake up!"  
  
"Whas..." Konatsu mumbled, rubbing his eyes. He looked around  
and realized that he was on a park bench near the pastry shop he had  
fallen asleep in earlier.  
  
"Wake up, Konatsu," Nabiki said.  
  
"Oh... Oh my," the ninja said, blushing. "I didn't fall--"  
  
"Asleep with your head between my breasts and your hand up my  
skirt," Nabiki said.  
  
"WHAAAT?!"  
  
"Not really," Nabiki said evilly. "You just need to learn  
when and when not to take a nap."  
  
Konatsu scrambled down off the bench and prostrated himself  
before the girl, banging his head noisily against the sidewalk. "I'm  
so sorry, Nabiki-sama! Please forgive me!"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Unless you're willing to do something for me, of course,"  
Nabiki suggested, buffing her nails against the front of her blouse.  
  
"Anything!" Konatsu said, red with shame.  
  
"Well," Nabiki started, "were you serious about what you said  
earlier?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Running a club. I'll take care of the business end and  
you'll take care of the management?"  
  
Konatsu was taken aback. Did she really want to undertake so  
intimate a working relationship with him so suddenly? He blushed at  
the thought.  
  
"I'll put it to you bluntly. I think that I can make a lot of  
money on a club here. There has been a dearth in entertainment in  
this part of the city for a while now and I think the market is ripe  
for new blood. Unfortunately, I don't have any sort of experience  
running that sort of thing, while you do."  
  
Konatsu was speechless.  
  
"Besides," Nabiki continued, "we both need someplace to stay,  
and if the building you mentioned is the same one I'm thinking about,  
then it has plenty of room to serve as a night club and as a small  
residence. I'll trade you room and board plus a small... *ahem* very  
small salary in return for helping me manage the thing."  
  
"Me?" Konatsu asked. "Me, work for you?"  
  
"Well, are you willing?"  
  
"OH, NABIKI-SAMA!" Konatsu wailed. "You've saved my life!"  
  
"Uhh, calm down, Konatsu-chan," she said. "And quit hugging  
me in public."  
  
"Sorry." Konatsu backed away from the girl and knelt next to  
her on the park bench. "So, how soon do you think it will be until we  
can save enough to rent the building?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, that's no problem. I've already rented it."  
  
"Already?" Konatsu asked incredulously.  
  
"I did it while you were sleeping," Nabiki explained.  
  
"Wasn't it awfully expensive?" the ninja asked.  
  
Nabiki coughed politely. "Well, I *have* been selling quite a  
few photos to Kunou-chan lately," she said. "You could say that I've  
been saving against the inevitable."  
  
"Wow..."  
  
"It was enough to cover the down payment," Nabiki said, "and  
first month's rent, and security deposit, and having the utilities  
turned on and..."  
  
"Yikes..."  
  
"Of course it helped that I kept Kunou-chan's Platinum card  
number from that time he bought the Ranma and Akane swimsuit bonus  
pack."  
  
Konatsu's face turned suspicious.  
  
"You could say that I got real steal," Nabiki said smiling.  
  
"A steal?"  
  
"Or a borrow," Nabiki said. "After all, don't you think that  
Kunou-chan deserves a break on his weekly photos for the next few  
months?"  
  
Konatsu shook his head sadly. "You frighten me sometimes,  
Nabiki-sama."  
  
A few minutes later, Nabiki and Konatsu had already walked  
the short distance to the building. Nabiki already had keys.  
  
The building was, for lack of a better word, perfect for  
their purposes. It was a small, two story affair done in brick in  
between a restaurant and a book store relatively near Ucchan's.  
  
While the outside looked good, the main room on the first  
floor was pretty much trashed. There were a few holes in the walls,  
lots of dust and debris lying around, and patches of torn-up  
carpeting glued to the otherwise bare cement floor. It was nothing  
that a few hours of work and cleaning couldn't fix, however.  
  
There were two marked bathrooms off of the main room, and a  
smaller room with plumbing and a double sink that would make a  
perfect kitchen.  
  
The second floor had three smaller rooms and a single  
bathroom with a glassed-in shower and a small furo.  
  
"I think it used to be a workshop of some kind," Konatsu  
said, kneeling down and picking up the remnants of a circuit board.  
  
"I'm pretty sure it was an old computer shop," Nabiki said,  
kicking a torn-up cardboard box out of her way and sniffing  
disdainfully. "Oh, boy. I can't wait to try to figure some way around  
cleaning this place up."  
  
"I may be able to help," Konatsu said.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
The ninja walked into the middle of the room and glanced  
around. He held up two fingers to the side of his face and traced a  
circle around him with the other hand.  
  
"You know a magic spell for getting rid of geek sweat?"  
Nabiki asked, smirking and folding her arms.  
  
Konatsu began to mumble under his breath, and turned a full  
360 degree circle, taking in every part of the room. He closed his  
eyes and brought his hands together, letting the tips of his extended  
fingers touch. Then, he leapt into the air.  
  
"MAGICAL NINJA BEAUTY SUPPLY SHOCK!" he yelled.  
  
A whirlwind of energy began to course through the old shop,  
gathering speed and power until Nabiki was buffeted back by the  
force. She held her arms in front of her face to shield herself from  
the debris that was suddenly flying around the room.  
  
After only a few seconds, the whirlwind halted. Nabiki slowly  
dropped her arms and blinked. She looked around in shock.  
  
Konatsu stood in the middle of the new... arrangement,  
looking deeply into Nabiki's eyes and searching for any kind of  
approval. His face was pensive and expectant.  
  
"You have a secret technique that turns any room into a  
BROTHEL?" Nabiki asked incredulously.  
  
Indeed, the debris and old carpet had been compressed into  
large black garbage bags, making way for yards and yards of scarlet-  
colored brocade, polished tile, and thick shag carpet. All it was  
missing were some lush, lingerie clad ladies of the evening.  
  
"You don't like it?" Konatsu asked, his voice cracking.  
"Well, it was one of my sisters' special tricks," he admitted. "None  
of the men they tried to drag into their bedrooms seemed to like it  
much either."  
  
Nabiki rubbed her chin, glancing around at the room. She  
turned around once... then twice. Some areas were unfinished, such as  
space for a bar near the back of the room. It was still missing quite  
a bit of furniture, as well. It would further deplete her already  
abused savings account, but...  
  
"Actually, once we get a little furniture in here... and a  
bar... This could work, Konatsu-chan," she mused. Then she looked  
above her head. "That, however, has got to go."  
  
"Get rid of the mirror ball," Konatsu noted, scribbling  
Nabiki's instructions down on a scrap of paper. "Right!"  
  
"Now we have to get all the permits we need. We'll probably  
need a small wait staff as well."  
  
"My sisters always said that beautiful women made the best  
waitresses," Konatsu noted. "I think they were referring to  
themselves, but..."  
  
"Good idea," Nabiki said. "Let's get some real honeys in here  
and draw in the boys." She chuckled for a second. "We need to make  
sure that you look your best, too. That should be good for a few  
laughs."  
  
"I can drop off some flyers where I get my manicure done,"  
Konatsu suggested helpfully.  
  
After picking herself up off the ground after Konatsu's  
statement, Nabiki said, "Yeah. You should do that. I'll make up some  
flyers for you to spread around while I take care of the business  
end.  
  
* * *  
  
It had taken over two hours to get all of the creamy batter  
and finely chopped toppings out of her hair, but when Shampoo had  
shampooed all she could, she ran outside, hopped on her bicycle, and  
rode as fast as she could to the okonomiyaki chef's restaurant.  
  
Only, she stopped after the first few feet, having realized  
that her bike was still covered in burnt, sticky okonomiyaki dough.  
She ran back inside the restaurant, took yet another bath, changed  
clothes and ran back outside again, careful not to step in the  
puddles of batter that still decorated the landscape for a fifty  
meter radius around the Nekohanten.  
  
A few blocks away, Ukyou was just getting to her feet after  
sleeping way too late.  
  
"Ohh... Geez," she moaned, gripping her aching head. "I knew  
it wasn't a good idea to let 'Natsu-chan give me a hot toddy before  
bed. He always puts way too much tequila in 'em."  
  
Hung over, but doing her best to keep her stomach where it  
belonged, she staggered down stairs and sat on a stool in front of  
her grill. She laid her aching head down on the still-cool metal and  
did her best to pretend she was dead.  
  
"Shop will just... have... to... stay... closed..." she  
groaned.  
  
A low pounding began to permeate her consciousness. Hung over  
as she was, it sounded like someone was beating on the front door  
with baseball bat.  
  
"Oooh, damn it, Konatsu! Stop that racket! You wanna get me  
some aspirin?" she shouted in as loud a voice she dared.  
  
*BAM*  
  
The door broke off its rail and slid into the shop, impacting  
the grill and knocking Ukyou backwards onto the floor.  
  
"Shampoo no have aspirin, but she still able to put you out  
of your misery!" The amazon shouted, both bonborri drawn and ready  
for combat.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Ukyou shouted, in way too much pain to think up a  
fitting retort. "So's yer mamma! You wanna fight?" she yelled,  
groping around half-blindly for her spatula.  
  
"For the crime of bombing Shampoo with killer okonomiyaki,  
she sentence you to die!" the purple-haired girl shouted.  
  
"Damn it!" Ukyou shouted, realizing that her stock was gone.  
"That was for Akane, you bitch! You stole my secret weapon, and now  
you're gonna pay!"  
  
Spatula and bonborri ready for the kill, the two girls leapt  
at each other.  
  
Two policemen, a fireman, and an insurance agent had to be  
called out to put a halt to the resulting violence.  
  
* * *  
  
The next few days progressed rapidly while Nabiki and Konatsu  
sped their project to completion. Nabiki had quite a bit of furniture  
delivered, and set up rudimentary bedrooms for the two with futons  
and blankets borrowed from the Tendou home.  
  
To assuage Konatsu's sense of fair play, she also delivered  
several thousand copies of a photo she took of Ranma napping in just  
a pair of boxers to the Kunou estate before she used Tatewaki's  
platinum card to pay for her purchases.  
  
Progress was rapid, and on the second day, the kitchen  
appliances and the furniture for the bedrooms above the club was  
delivered.  
  
Konatsu wept the first time he laid down on the soft mattress  
and box spring Nabiki bought for him. Even knowing that it was coming  
out of whatever future pay he managed to earn, it was the sweetest  
reward he had ever received for his work.  
  
"Oh, Nabiki-sama!" he shouted, tears running down his face.  
"I'll never forget this kindness."  
  
"That's great," Nabiki said, flicking beads back and forth on  
her abacus, "Just so long as you remember that 'this kindness'  
charges ten percent APR."  
  
* * *  
  
That same afternoon, Ranma was sitting on his futon, reading  
a war manga. His ears perked up as he heard a familiar set of light  
footsteps approaching his room.  
  
"Ranma-baka," Akane cooed quietly down the hallway.  
  
In the last few weeks, Ranma had been taught the meaning of  
that particular tone. He was still very unsure about what was  
happening between him and his somewhat mercurial fiancee and why, but  
he knew that that particular lilt in her voice meant only one thing.  
  
Ranma's libido gave his sense of dread a sharp kick in the  
ass and demanded to find out what Akane wanted.  
  
He began to tremble slightly as he rose from his sitting  
position. He carefully closed his manga and strode from the room.  
Akane was standing in the doorway. He gulped loudly, looking for a  
cup of water. If she had one, she might pour it on him. If she did,  
Ranma knew, it was because Akane wanted to dominate his girl-half. As  
it was, Akane did not have a glass. Instead, she had a little white  
pill box.  
  
"Ranma-baka," she said again, in a low, dangerous voice. It  
was a voice that worried Ranma for weeks now. It was a voice that  
excited him immensely.  
  
Ranma's right hand went to her cheek and the other gently  
closed on her side. He knew from experience that Akane liked to be  
held gently at first, and then more and more firmly. He moved his  
head in, slowly angling towards Akane's upturned lips. The two pairs  
of lips met briefly, touching and then moving away.  
  
He jerked away for a second, making sure that neither of his  
parents or Akane's father was watching. None were in sight. They were  
probably all downstairs.  
  
Smoothly, he returned to his task. Ranma let his hand slide  
down Akane's slender neck to the collar of her blouse. Akane smiled,  
granting her approval. Ranma began to slowly work the buttons out of  
their holes, eventually pulling the blouse just far enough away so  
that he could see Akane's erect nipples through the translucent lace  
of her bra.  
  
Seeing that Ranma's fingers were trembling, Akane reached  
down and undid the catch that held the cups of the brassiere  
together. She was slightly miffed that her smallish breasts did not  
instantly force the cups apart, but Ranma eagerly slid his hand  
inside and began to gently knead her left breast.  
  
He could feel her heart beating.  
  
Akane closed her eyes and moaned, ever so softly, ever so  
quietly. She pushed against Ranma's hands... both of them, signaling  
her desire to continue.  
  
Ranma's left hand slid down her side and onto her thigh. He  
squeezed firmly, but not tightly. That would come later. Slowly,  
meticulously, Ranma began to run his hand back up Akane's thigh,  
caressing every inch of flesh. He began to lift her skirt.  
  
It was at this point that Akane held up a finger and touched  
it softly to Ranma's lips.  
  
"Ranma-baka?"  
  
"H-hai?"  
  
Akane held up the small white case she had been carrying. It  
was about the diameter of a baseball, but flat and very slightly egg-  
shaped. "Do you know what this is?"  
  
Ranma shook his head.  
  
"So like a man," Akane said, a naughty grin still decorating  
her face "This is a Pill box." Ranma could hear the capital 'P' as  
Akane said it.  
  
"P-pills?" Ranma asked. "As in B-b-b-b-"  
  
"Yes," Akane answered. "Doctor Toufuu gave them to me after  
the 'Passion Dumpling' incident. Now, how many are left?"  
  
Ranma carefully counted the pills left in the box. He counted  
them again to make sure. He counted them a third time. He counted--  
  
"How many are left?" Akane asked sweetly.  
  
"None," Ranma said. He gulped loudly as he said it.  
  
"That's right. I took the last one yesterday, just before...  
Ucchan's. Now..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Akane smiled again. "Do you want to make a baby inside your  
fiance?"  
  
Ranma felt as if the world was suddenly pressing down on him.  
So many new experiences... So many new feelings... So many new  
responsibilities to go along with them. Akane had packed a lot of  
meaning into that seemingly innocent question. What they were doing  
*was* risky. Ranma didn't know the exact mechanics and biology of the  
situation but he did know the old rote that 'A' leads to 'B' which  
leads to 'C', which will sooner or later lead to 'D'. In western  
terms, this is best summarized by saying 'Too many home runs will  
eventually leave the batter with a long-term contract'.  
  
Did Ranma want a long term contract? Quite honestly he wasn't  
sure.  
  
"It would be rough at first," Akane stated quietly. "But it  
would solve almost all of our problems in the long run. Our fathers  
would quit bothering us and so would the fiancees. I think Shampoo  
would *have* to give up if I was carrying your child."  
  
Did Ranma want someone with whom he could teach all he knew  
about the art? Did he want someone with whom he could atone for all  
the mistakes his father made in his *own* upbringing. More  
importantly, did he want to be the only boy in his high school who  
had to carry around a baby part of the time?  
  
He paused for a second. Was it manly to carry around a baby?  
He didn't really know.  
  
"Yes," Ranma replied, his trembling subsiding. "I... want  
that with you. I want to have a family with you. But not yet. Not  
'till after school. Not until..." he gulped again.  
"Notuntilwe'rereallymarried," he blurted out as loudly as he dared.  
  
Akane smiled again and very firmly reached under her skirt  
and pulled Ranma's hand away from her thigh. She placed the pillbox  
in his hand and closed his fingers around it. The symbolism was clear  
to Ranma; the responsibility was as much his as it was hers.  
  
"Bring me another one of these then," Akane said. "I can't  
afford them, and Daddy would go ballistic if he figured out that we  
were trying to keep me... ahem... from providing him with an heir."  
  
Ranma began to shake again, coming out the other side of  
arousal. It was very clear to him what had to happen. If he wanted to  
keep on... *keeping on* with Akane, he would have to get a part time  
job. Not a lot, just enough to pay for the pills.  
  
"Uhmm... I don't know where to look for a part time job,"  
Ranma admitted. "Any ideas?"  
  
"Nabiki is doing something with Konatsu. Maybe they need  
someone?" Akane suggested.  
  
At the mention of his sister-in-law's name, Ranma felt a  
strange mix of elation and dread. No matter how this one turned out,  
he was sure he was going to get screwed.  
  
* * *  
  
The day before the club opened, Konatsu was responsible for  
interviewing and hiring the waitresses their business required while  
Nabiki went about the business of extorting all the necessary permits  
out of the local authorities. Nabiki had already used many of her  
connections to start spreading word of the job opportunity, and  
Konatsu was excitedly looking forward to his first *real* managerial  
experience.  
  
There was a knock on the door of the shop. Smiling, Konatsu  
skipped over and opened it. Waiting outside in a frilly frock and  
with a happy expression was a pretty brunette with long hair and  
pouting lips. Konatsu ushered the applicant inside and poured some  
tea.  
  
"You're here for the waitressing position?"  
  
"Yes! Thank you," his guest said, sipping the tea.  
  
"Well, I need to ask a few questions first."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"Name?"  
  
"Tsubasa Kurenai," the person in front of him said.  
  
"Gender?" Konatsu asked, looking up.  
  
Tsubasa glanced down at the pretty frock he was wearing.  
"Male," he said, smiling.  
  
"Okay," Konatsu said, making a mark on his clipboard. "Age?"  
  
The rest of the interview went pretty smoothly. Finally,  
Konatsu asked Tsubasa why he wanted to work at the club.  
  
"Well... there's this girl," he said. "And... well... She's  
in love with another guy. I'm trying to save up enough money so that  
I can provide for her and make her like me!"  
  
Konatsu sighed. "How sad and romantic!" he cooed.  
  
"I will get you back, Ukyou-sama!" Tsubasa declared as  
Konatsu was lost in his own little world.  
  
"Excuse me?" Konatsu asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing. I'm just excited to have a chance at a job like  
this."  
  
"Well, I guess I'm exited to have you working here!" Konatsu  
agreed, somewhat pleased at how easy the interview had gone. "If you  
will, come back tomorrow night, and your uniform will be ready. If I  
understand our general manager, correctly, they're going to be a  
little... *ahem*... tight. What cup size do you wear?"  
  
"What size do you want me to wear?" Tsubasa asked.  
  
* * *  
  
"Next!" Konatsu said. He was pretty happy. The first several  
applicants after Kurenai-san had been a little scary. They looked a  
lot like his sisters, in fact. The last two, however, had been  
perfect. The first was a young woman about his own age with short,  
curly blonde hair. She didn't want to talk about her past very much,  
but had a great sense of humor and did a neat trick with her fan. The  
other was a young woman who had short green hair. She said that she  
had been acting part time as a model and an idol singer and was just  
getting generally tired of the whole celebrity mess. Konatsu gladly  
hired the two of them, more than a little aware of how beautiful they  
would look in tight cocktail dresses.  
  
The next applicant had short red hair with a long, braided  
pigtail and wore Chinese clothes.  
  
"Ranma-sama?"  
  
"Hey, 'Natsu. I heard you're looking for waitresses."  
  
"Uhm..." Konatsu wasn't sure how he felt about Ranma. Sure,  
the boy, girl at the moment, was partially responsible for Ukyou's  
anger and bad temper, but he was also one of the most courageous,  
honest and bravest people Konatsu had ever met. After they worked out  
their difficulty with his stepmother and stepsisters, Konatsu felt  
like the only one who treated him better was Ukyou-sama, and that was  
only until she started getting upset and...  
  
"Okay," Konatsu said. "Can you start tomorrow night?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"What cup size do you wear?"  
  
Ranma would *also* look beautiful in a tight cocktail dress.  
  
"I dunno. 'C', I think. I'll ask Akane. Hey, I don't gotta  
wear a bunny suit, do I?"  
  
"A dress," Konatsu said.  
  
"Okay. That's a little better, I guess. What time?"  
  
"Just as soon as we get you fitted," Nabiki said, walking in  
the doorway. "It will be a pleasure to have you working for me,  
Ranma-kun," she said, several dresses thrown over one arm. She smiled  
wickedly. "I'm certain that we can find a use for *all* your  
talents."  
  
"Lovely," Ranma muttered. "Just leave my picture off the  
calendar this time, okay?"  
  
* * *  
  
The afternoon of the next day, Konatsu was getting ready for  
the grand opening. Part of his preparations involved picking just the  
right drink for the 'special'.  
  
As he was carefully mixing ingredients, the front door to the  
club opened, admitting the blonde girl he had hired yesterday. She  
was wearing a short skirt and a heavy canvas jacket.  
  
"Oh, hello," Konatsu said. "You're here early, aren't you?"  
  
"It beats waiting in the park," the girl said.  
  
"Excuse me?" Konatsu said, looking up from his task.  
  
"Oh, I'd love to get an early start," the blonde girl said.  
  
"You're..." Konatsu fumbled for a second, trying to remember  
her name.  
  
"Noku-chan," the girl replied cutely. She whipped out a fan  
and held it demurely in front of her mouth. It read 'Charmed'.  
  
"Well, feel free to get comfortable," Konatsu offered as he  
carefully measured liquor into a tall glass.  
  
"What are you making there?" Noku-chan asked.  
  
"It's a drink that I used to make for my sisters. I always  
messed it up, though."  
  
"Looks pretty complex," Noku-chan noted.  
  
"It is," Konatsu said, carefully peeling a grape. He put it  
on a toothpick and dropped it into the glass.  
  
Noku-chan could actually see the color of the drink change  
slightly as it sank.  
  
"Can I try a little?" she asked as Konatsu began to rummage  
under the bar.  
  
"Sure. It's not done yet, though."  
  
Nabiki walked out of the back room, wheeling in stereo  
components on a dolly. "Don't drink my profits," she warned.  
  
Noku-chan smiled charmingly at the girl and sipped at the  
drink.  
  
Nabiki chuckled and continued to set up her sound system.  
  
"Wow! That's really good," Noku-chan said. "But..."  
  
"It's missing the secret ingredient," Konatsu finished. He  
came back up over the bar and held out a basket of freshly polished  
five-hundred yen pieces. "It's the best topping of all!" he  
proclaimed. "The bright yellow topping!"  
  
He dropped a coin into the glass and struck a match. He held  
it over the surface of the drink until the fumes caught fire. He  
clapped his hands over it once, extinguishing the flame. In just a  
second, the drink had gone from pale pink in color to a bright,  
golden yellow.  
  
"Now try it," he said.  
  
Noku-chan sipped and smiled widely. "Hey, that's pretty  
good!"  
  
"I call it the '500 YEN FLAMING NINJA!!!!'" his voice echoed  
through the microphone Nabiki had just plugged in.  
  
The mercenary girl strode over to the bar and grabbed the  
basket of coins away from her business partner. "Konatsu! What did I  
tell you about the 'Bright Yellow Topping'?!" she said, batting her  
abacus against the ninja's head. "Well?!"  
  
"You said not to use it, Nabiki-sama," he meefed in reply,  
doing his best to cover his head and face.  
  
"And how much were you planning on selling that drink for?"  
  
"Five hundred yen?" he asked, desperately hoping that he had  
the right answer.  
  
"So you're planning on just *giving* away the alcohol that  
cost 8000 yen a bottle," Nabiki noted angrily.  
  
"Maybe it could be the 'Ten Yen Flaming Ninja'?" he  
suggested, desperately trying to salvage the situation.  
  
She bapped him with her abacus again.  
  
Noku-chan giggled so hard she almost fell off her stool.  
"Maybe it should be just a plain 'Flaming Ninja', Konatsu-san.  
  
"Rather," Nabiki said, her eyes flashing daggers at the  
ninja. Her expression softened somewhat as she reached down, grabbed  
the glass and took a small sip of the mixed drink. "Still, it's  
pretty good, Konatsu-chan. Let's go ahead and make this the special."  
  
"Of course, Nabiki-sama!" Konatsu said, bowing.  
  
"Without any 'bright yellow topping. Understand me?"  
  
"Of course, Nabiki-sama!"  
  
"Good. 'Flaming Ninja'," she muttered, striding away from the  
other two. "Poor guy has *no* clue."  
  
As it turned out, Noku-chan knew quite a bit about  
electronics and was able to troubleshoot Nabiki's sound problems  
quickly and efficiently. After another hour or so, the other  
waitresses started showing up. First in the door was Ranma, who  
looked like she had just gotten into a fight.  
  
"Another duel, Ranma?" Nabiki asked.  
  
"Nah, just had to beat your dad up when he realized I was  
going to be a waitress instead of a waiter."  
  
"Ah," Nabiki noted.  
  
Noku-chan looked curiously at Ranma.  
  
Next in was the green haired girl.  
  
"Hello, Shimeru-san," Konatsu greeted her. "This is Nabiki,  
who's going to be our boss, and Ranma and Noku-chan who will work  
with you tonight."  
  
"Hi everybody," the girl said in a happy tone. "Call me  
Futaba, please."  
  
"Yo," Ranma greeted her.  
  
Noku-chan whipped out her fan. It read 'Great Beauty'.  
  
Last in was Tsubasa.  
  
"Hi everybody! I'm sorry I'm late, but I got stuck in my  
mailbox."  
  
"What?" Nabiki asked, unsure of what she heard.  
  
Ranma groaned upon seeing the other youth.  
  
"Don't tell me you hired this weirdo!" she complained. "You  
know he's a guy, right?"  
  
"Of course I do! I'm not completely clueless," Konatsu said.  
  
Noku-chan smiled weakly. "A guy?" She had been about to whip  
her fan out, but quickly stuffed it back into her jacket.  
  
Futaba looked around guiltily, turning a little bit green in  
the face.  
  
"Not completely. Just *mostly* clueless, Konatsu-chan,"  
Nabiki noted. She quickly made sure that everyone was introduced and  
gave them a short briefing on their duties for the evening. "So does  
everyone know what they need to do?" she asked.  
  
"Uh, we still don't know what the place is called," Futaba  
said doing her best to ignore how attractive and cute Tsubasa was.  
  
"Well, I wanted to call it the 'Million Yen'," Nabiki  
explained, "But Konatsu-chan thought that it might drive away  
potential customers if they thought it was too expensive. I'm smart  
enough to realize that I get a little obsessed around money so..."  
  
"A little obsessed?" Ranma asked incredulously  
  
"Saotome gets no paycheck this week," Nabiki said. Konatsu  
nodded and dutifully wrote down the instructions.  
  
"Hey, I want my paycheck, damn it!" Ranma shouted.  
  
"Anyway, I let Konatsu-chan name the place since he has more  
experience," Nabiki explained.  
  
"He?" Noku-chan asked, suddenly turning as green as Futaba  
  
Futaba just shook her head, realizing that she really  
*should* have known better.  
  
"So what did you name it?" Ranma asked.  
  
Konatsu gestured to the draped shaped behind him. He pulled  
the sheet away, revealing an intricately painted wooden sign.  
  
"The Nerima Boys' Club" was displayed in fancy cursive Roman  
characters. The logo was guaranteed to stand out and attract  
attention.  
  
"I do hope you like it," Nabiki said, genuine excitement and  
pleasure in her expression. "Knock 'em dead, girls!"  
  
"What's it supposed to mean?" Ranma ask suspiciously while  
staring at the sign.  
  
"Excuse me," Noku-chan said, raising a hand. "How many of us  
here are actually women?"  
  
"I just like the way it sounded," Konatsu said. "Would you  
help me put the sign out front, Ranma-sama?"  
  
"Sure," the redhead replied.  
  
"Excuse me? Please?" Noku-chan asked.  
  
"I need to get my makeup ready," Futaba said.  
  
"You're not the only one," Tsubasa agreed as they both rushed  
out of the room.  
  
"Hello?" Noku-chan said.  
  
"I'm female," Nabiki said. "Are you?"  
  
Noku-chan sighed and held up her fan. It read  
'Disappointing'.  
  
* * *  
  
After the front of Ucchan's had been repaired from her fight  
with Shampoo, it had taken Ukyou almost three days to find Konatsu's  
letter in the cleanup. She had worried and fretted about the ninja  
almost constantly after discovering that his meager possessions were  
missing, but after reading the letter, she didn't know wether to feel  
shock, remorse, or anger.  
  
It was true that she felt like the kunoichi was a pathetic,  
if cute, wimp who would never be able to take care of himself. He was  
a burden. He was an annoyance. Worse, he had that obnoxious crush on  
her.  
  
Now if only she didn't miss him so bad...  
  
It was like the time she was six when the puppy she 'adopted'  
had run away to its original owner. She really missed Konatsu's cute  
little antics and sweet disposition. He didn't even drool on her or  
piddle on the carpet.  
  
Well, okay, that one time he had the nightmare about his  
sisters...  
  
"ARRGGHGH! It's all Shampoo's fault that I never noticed!  
Hell, it was her fault that this mess happened anyway. If she had  
never suggested that damn passion spice, Ranma and Akane wouldn't be  
humping like weasels in heat, and I'd still have a chance in hell of  
becoming Mrs. Ranma Saotome!"  
  
She screamed, and beat her fists into her grill.  
  
Her customers began to stare in shock and dread at the  
display the chef had just given.  
  
"Sorry 'bout that," Ukyou muttered, wiping the hot grease off  
of her fists and onto her apron. She stood around for a few seconds  
acting nonchalantly and then ran back into the kitchen to run cold  
water over her hands.  
"Owowowowowow..."  
  
When she came back out, she found that some of her customers  
had left and that Shampoo had arrived with a sword and an excited  
duck.  
  
"QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!"  
  
"Hey, Shampoo," Ukyou said, reading her battle spatula. "What  
bug crawled up your ass this time?"  
  
"Okonomiyaki cockroach," Shampoo hissed, throwing the cage  
she was carrying at Ukyou. Ukyou had to drop her spatula to catch the  
cage before it hit her and dropped Mousse onto the grill.  
  
"Ah, you're just pissed because I whipped your ass last  
time," Ukyou said.  
  
"Who whip who ass?" Shampoo demanded, raising her sword.  
"Ukyou get beat!"  
  
"Says you," Ukyou said, throwing the cage onto the floor  
behind her and readying her mini-spatulas as her customers all sought  
the relative safety of booths.  
  
"Then why you send passion dumpling recipe to Mousse?! You  
have any idea how much trouble you cause?"  
  
Ukyou started. It had been part of her plan to 'eliminate'  
some of the competition. "Hah! I guess he must have been a little too  
much for you, huh? How did those dumplings taste, anyway?"  
  
"You stupid girl! Mousse no read all recipe! He eat dumplings  
himself and then show up naked in restaurant! He harass all women  
customers!"  
  
Ukyou's eyes bugged out. She clenched at her sides.  
  
"QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!"  
  
Shampoo continued to rant. "He make big mess and Shampoo  
nearly get arrested for running adult business without license. Is  
all your fault!"  
  
Ukyou doubled over, howling with laughter.  
  
"Die!" Shampoo shouted, her temper going from brittle to  
completely broken in the face of being laughed at. She leapt at  
Ukyou, her blade at the ready.  
  
"Come and get me, China-girl!" Ukyou shouted, readying her  
spatulas to defend against Shampoo's sword.  
  
"QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!" Mouse  
yelled forlornly, desperate to get out of his cage and show his love  
for the two pretty girls fighting in front of him.  
  
  
* * *  
  
All six 'girls' were dressed and ready to go. Konatsu and  
Tsubasa both wore long, form-fitting sleeveless dresses in red silk.  
They were very Chinese in style, complete with frog closures across  
one shoulder. Nabiki wore a conservative, but attractive blouse and  
skirt combo. Ranma, Futaba, and Noku-chan wore ultra-tight, ultra  
short Chinese mini-dresses in the same red silk as the other two. The  
dresses left very little to the imagination, but what it did leave  
was just enough, Nabiki thought. While Noku-chan wasn't as 'talented'  
in certain areas as Futaba and Ranma, she more than made up for it  
with a cool, collected grace and a truly dazzling smile.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Nabiki turned the lights on in the club  
and opened the door to put a welcoming shop curtain outside.  
  
Those assembled took a deep breath as they waited for the  
stampede.  
  
They waited a little longer.  
  
Ranma began to fidget.  
  
They waited a little longer.  
  
Noku-chan and Tsubasa began to chat about disguises.  
  
They waited a little longer.  
  
Nabiki's expectant expression began to crack. "I knew I  
shouldn't have invested so much in this place," she said darkly.  
  
Konatsu shook his head. "No, Nabiki-sama! You must have  
faith. We will succeed! We will be profitable!"  
  
Nabiki exhaled and nodded. "We'll give it a bit longer. Does  
anyone want a soda while--"  
  
"Excuse me?" a voice called out from the front of the club.  
All those inside turned to see a pretty-looking young woman with long  
pink hair poke her head inside. "Is this the new club?" she asked.  
  
"Yes!" Nabiki said.  
  
"And your our first customer!" Konatsu seconded. "How about a  
free drink as number one. It's--"  
  
"Konatsu!" Nabiki growled.  
  
"Just this once?" the kunoichi begged.  
  
"Well... Okay. Just this *once*. And just one drink," Nabiki  
said.  
  
The girl opened the door and stepped inside. "This is the  
place, Anthy! I told you we'd find it."  
  
"You were right, Utena-sama!" a girl with dark hair and dusky  
skin agreed happily as the two stepped inside. She stared around at  
the 'romantic' decorations. "Oh, it's so pretty!"  
  
Konatsu beamed like a supernova as he handed the two girls  
freshly mixed 'flaming ninjas'.  
  
"Is this the new--"  
  
"Welcome!" Nabiki said, gesturing the next couple inside.  
"Welcome to the Nerima Boys' Club. If we can get you anything, just  
let one of our charming waitresses know, okay?"  
  
The wait staff giggled cutely on cue. Ranma gagged for a  
second, but got back to work.  
  
"Hi, I'm Ranma," she said, leading the young man and his  
attractive date inside. "Let me know if I can help you, okay?"  
  
"Is this the new--"  
  
"Welcome!" Nabiki said. "It's our first night, so..."  
  
She gestured frantically for someone to turn on the sound  
system.  
  
Futaba leapt over to the small stage and started the dance  
music going.  
  
"Hey, is this the new--"  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Nabiki noticed her first two  
customers beginning to dance near the small stage they had set up  
across from the bar.  
  
As her waitresses began to filter around the room, making  
sure that everyone was taken care of, Nabiki started grinning from  
ear to ear.  
  
* * *  
  
"Haaaa..." Shampoo breathed heavily, lying in the wreckage of  
a table. "Haaaa.... Just... wait. Shampoo show.... *huff* *huff*...  
stupid spatula girl what means to..."  
  
"Aw, shaddup, you bimbo," Ukyou said, hanging upside down  
from the remnants of the ceiling fan above her dining room. She  
slowly spun in circles, but her fingers would not let go of her one  
remaining mini-spatula. "Just as soon as I get down from here, I'm  
gonna pound you bloody."  
  
A flyer blew by in the breeze coming in from the wrecked  
wall. It fluttered once, and stuck against Ukyou's face.  
  
"Nabiki's running a nightclub, huh?" Ukyou said, grabbing the  
offending piece of paper and scanning over it briefly.  
  
"You know is really all her fault," Shampoo said weakly. "If  
she no help Akane, then Shampoo and Ukyou be there to stop her from  
trying to make like horny goat with Ranma."  
  
Ukyou grumbled but she couldn't help but agree with her  
rival. "I already beat her up once," she said. "It was creepy. She  
didn't hit back. She just started figuring damages. I've got a bill  
from her for 90000 yen sitting around her somewhere."  
  
Ukyou's filing cabinet fell through the weakened ceiling and  
impacted the tile floor next to Shampoo. Papers exploded out from the  
ruined office furniture and began to flutter around.  
  
"Ah, Shampoo see," the Chinese girl said. "You know, if  
Nabiki running nightclub, then Akane and Ranma there, almost for  
sure."  
  
"That's a good point," Ukyou said. "We could go kill Nabiki  
and Akane and then fight over Ranma some more."  
  
"Sound like plan," Shampoo said, staggering to her feet. She  
roughly yanked on Ukyou's arm, untangling her from the slowly  
rotating fan and dumping her on the ruined floor.  
  
"I'll get you for that later," Ukyou said.  
  
"For now, let's just go make mercenary-girl and pervert-girl  
wish they never born," Shampoo suggested.  
  
  
"QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!"  
  
* * *  
  
Akane was indeed at the new Nerima Boys' Club, checking out  
her sister's work.  
  
"This is really nice, Nabiki," she said over the noise of the  
crowd and the thumping music. "You've put a lot of hard work it!"  
  
"Naturally," Nabiki said, "And I expect it to be quite  
profitable."  
  
"Nabiki-sama!" Konatsu yelled, popping out from behind two  
rather bishonnen men who were dancing together. "We have a problem!"  
  
"What is it, Konatsu-chan?" Nabiki said. "You haven't been  
giving away drinks, have you?"  
  
"No, it's far worse than that. We're almost at the limit for  
the capacity on the fire permit you got."  
  
"What?" Nabiki asked, looking around at the crowd. "Your  
serious? We have a hundred and fifty people in here?"  
  
"What should we do?" Konatsu said. "Ranma isn't letting any  
more people in, but a line is starting to form at the door."  
  
Nabiki smiled evilly. "Are we still good on drinks and  
snacks?"  
  
Konatsu nodded. "We could start paying people to leave, I  
guess," he suggested meekly.  
  
Akane smiled, and wandered off in search of a certain  
waitress.  
  
Nabiki bapped him lightly with her abacus, showing her  
displeasure. "Wrong! We start charging more!"  
  
"I don't understand," the ninja said.  
  
"It's very simple," Nabiki said. "Up until now, we were  
selling based on quantity. We had a lot of empty space and wanted  
people to come in and buy drinks and snacks so we can profit, right?"  
  
"Right," Konatsu said.  
  
"Now, we don't have that much space. It's become a rarity.  
We're now apparently the hottest club in the district, so we can  
charging a cover-price for the privilege of coming inside to dance  
and be seen."  
  
Konatsu blinked in confusion. "Will that work?"  
  
"Of course it will," Nabiki said. "We've *got* to get you  
some business classes, Konatsu-chan. Tell Ranma to not let any one  
come in until someone else leaves," she instructed. "Also, have her  
start charging five hundred yen for every person who comes in. 750  
for couples."  
  
"Hai, Nabiki-sama!" Konatsu bounced away, back flipping and  
cleanly disappearing into the crowd.  
  
Nabiki glanced at the ceiling briefly and whispered a prayer  
of thanks.  
  
* * *  
  
Elsewhere in the club, Hiroshi and Daisuke were sitting  
behind a table, sipping colas, and watching all the pretty girls go  
by.  
  
"Man, she's a hottie," Daisuke noted, watching a pink-haired  
girl walk by.  
  
"Yeah, but what's she doing with that other one?" Hiroshi  
asked.  
  
"It is fun to get out from time to time, Anthy," the pink  
haired girl said.  
  
"Mmmmm... Utena-sama" Anthy cooed, as the two snuggled in the  
seat next to Hiroshi and Daisuke.  
  
Both boys blinked incredulously.  
  
Their waitress, Futaba, skipped over and put new drinks and a  
bowl of snacks down in front of them. "Anything else I can do for you  
two?"  
  
"I don't think so," Hiroshi said.  
  
The green-haired girl leaned over to the table behind them  
and asked the same question.  
  
"Can I have a soda, please?" An auburn-haired girl with thick  
bangs and a pleasant smile asked as she wrapped her arms around her  
date's arm.  
  
"Takeo-kun!" one of the two guys in the booth with her  
shouted angrily. "What's she doing here? I thought this was supposed  
to be a romantic date for just the two of us!"  
  
"Stop blowing in my ear, Ayanojo!" Takeo said angrily.  
  
Hiroshi and Daisuke blinked.  
  
"Dai, are we the only straight people here?"  
  
"God I hope not. No, there, look!" Hiroshi said gesturing to  
the dance floor where a young man with short blonde hair was dancing  
with a beautiful girl with long, wavy green hair. "It's not as bad as  
you think it is."  
  
"Oooh!" Futaba exclaimed. "That's the famous artist, Michiru  
Kaiou. She paints, sings, and plays the violin." Her girlfriend,  
despite being a little butch, was a real looker as well, Futaba did  
not say.  
  
A little more secure in their surroundings, Hiroshi and  
Daisuke leaned back in their seats and relaxed.  
  
"Boy, our waitress was pretty cute, too," Hiroshi said. "I  
wonder if I can get her phone number?"  
  
"You wish."  
  
* * *  
  
"Where exactly did you hand out fliers?" Ranma asked Konatsu  
as the ninja rushed back and forth between the bar and the front  
door, counting heads.  
  
"Oh, the usual places," Konatsu said.  
  
"The usual places?"  
  
"All the high-schools and colleges around here," the kunoichi  
replied. "And the arcades. Oh, and the nail salon, and the hair salon  
and the--"  
  
Ranma sighed.  
  
"--and the Rainbow Bookstore, and everywhere else I could  
think of. Why?"  
  
"No reason," Ranma said. At least not *all* the guys were  
hitting on her this way. Quite a few of the girls were, but Ranma  
found that she didn't mind that as much.  
  
* * *  
  
Since Konatsu's 'Flaming Ninjas' were disappearing like,  
well... ninjas, Nabiki was moving a small crate of liquor downstairs  
to replenish their stores. She was halfway down when she heard the  
chants start.  
  
"Entertainment! Entertainment!"  
  
"Where's the show?!" One voice shouted over the din of  
partying and loud dance music.  
  
"Uhoh," she muttered.  
  
All five of her employees were waiting for her at the bottom  
of the stairs with wide-eyed expressions.  
  
"Tell me that one of you can do something," Nabiki said,  
raising her voice over the din.  
  
"I'm a master of disguise," Tsubasa volunteered.  
  
"Riiight... And that will help us how?" Nabiki asked.  
  
"Well, I can go up on stage... and pop out of things."  
  
Nabiki blinked. "Pop out of things?"  
  
"Like mailboxes, and trees, and umbrella stands."  
  
"Uh huh," Nabiki said.  
  
"I can do a little slight of hand," Noku-chan said, "but I  
need a few minutes to get ready."  
  
"Well, looks like you're on, Tsubasa," Nabiki said. "Noku-  
chan, get ready. Ranma, I know you can sing, and Futaba too. You two  
pick something out for after the magic act."  
  
The three girls nodded and ran off.  
  
While the others were scrambling, Tsubasa produced a giant  
cake costume and climbed inside. He waddled over the stage, stopping  
briefly in front of the sound system to change the music from the  
loud, cheerful dance beat to something a little more classical.  
  
There was a hushed silence as everyone stared at the giant  
cake in front of them.  
  
"Tada!" Tsubasa shouted in a cute voice as he popped out the  
top of the cake.  
  
"Yah! Take it all off, Baybee!" One of the partiers shouted  
from the back of the room. Tsubasa clonked him in the head with a  
thrown shoe.  
  
The crowd started to laugh.  
  
Tsubasa kicked the cake out of the way and ran off stage. A  
few seconds later, a giant cow appeared on stage.  
  
"Mooo!" Tsubasa yelled.  
  
The laughter intensified. The sight of a cute girl popping  
out of ridiculous costumes was pretty funny, it seemed.  
  
It went on like that for a few minutes, until Noku-chan  
signaled to him from the stairway.  
  
Tsubasa nodded, dropped a flash grenade he had borrowed from  
Konatsu, and disappeared to be replaced by Noku-chan, who was wearing  
a leotard, heels, and a tuxedo jacket.  
  
This time, there was as much clapping as there was laughter.  
The laughter soon turned to 'Ooohs' and 'Ahhs' as Noku-chan began to  
produce crystal balls and steel hoops out of thin air. Some of the  
items she made appear, disappear, or magically levitate were things  
she had scavenged from the club. At one point, she began to juggle  
light-bulbs she had raided from the supply closet.  
  
After almost fifteen minutes of progressively more and more  
impressive magical tricks, Noku-chan wrapped a sheet around herself,  
twisted around for a few moments, and then turned back into Tsubasa.  
  
"Hi, everybody!" he shouted into a microphone. "I hope you  
enjoyed the magic show. Let's all give the Amazing Noku-chan a big  
hand!"  
  
After the applause and wolf-whistles died down, Tsubasa  
gestured offstage. "Now, we'd like to present a treat. The Nerima  
Boys' Club is proud to present Ranma and Futaba!"  
  
Two busty, sexy girls in short skirts and high-heels really  
ignited the crowd.  
  
After a few seconds, guitar music began to play from the  
audio system.  
  
"Once again the girl  
you're watching  
Isn't the real me."  
  
Ranma stepped out into the light, dancing slowly and singing  
into the microphone.  
  
"It's a girl  
that was made up  
for you and for our love."  
  
Futaba joined her, blowing a kiss to the crowd. The two began  
to dance closely together, skipping around in a manner that was both  
cute and dangerously sexy.  
  
"You like my honesty  
That what you say,  
but it's an illusion.  
  
Deceiving others  
is a way of life  
It's a woman's romance!"  
  
The two continued to dance and sing, whipping the crowd into  
a frenzy.  
  
"I love you more than anyone  
I want to show you a wonderful dream  
I love you so much  
I'm going to keep deceiving you.  
I'll make you happier  
than any other guy in the world!"  
  
The number went on for a few minutes, and it ended with  
Futaba and Ranma cheek to cheek and waving to the crowd. The room  
went wild with cheers, hoots, and whistles. The two girls ran off  
stage, waving back to the crowd.  
  
Nabiki, who had been manning the door, quickly made a few  
adjustments to her abacus and smiled like the fox who ate the golden  
goose.  
  
Akane had been looking for Ranma, but kept getting  
sidetracked in the crowd. After the musical number, however, she  
fixed the redhead in her sights as she homed in for the kill.  
  
As she was getting ready to start waitressing again, Ranma  
heard a familiar pair of footsteps.  
  
"Ranma-baka..." Akane cooed, her whisper voice clearly  
audible over the noise to Ranma.  
  
Ranma froze, her back to Akane.  
  
"Uhm... H-hey, A-a-akane," she said, not daring to look at  
the girl. "Uh... you had one of Konatsu's drinks yet?"  
  
"I'm not interested in a drink, Ranma-baka..." Akane said.  
  
Ranma gulped loudly.  
  
"Won't you look at me, Ranma?" Akane asked sweetly.  
  
A manic grin spread across Ranma's face as she turned to face  
the dark-haired girl.  
  
Akane stared deeply into Ranma's eyes and stepped deep into  
her personal space. She could feel Ranma's fluttering breath on her  
neck.  
  
"Hi," she said, smiling, evilly.  
  
"H-h-hi," Ranma replied, trying to swallow, but finding her  
mouth suddenly too dry.  
  
"That was quite a performance."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yes," Akane said. "Very showy. Very... sexy. And now..."  
  
"N-n-n-n-now?" Ranma squeaked like a frightened mouse  
  
"Now I want you to show me the kitchen."  
  
"The kitchen?"  
  
"Now, Ranma-baka..." Akane said in the husky tone that Ranma  
just didn't know how to handle.  
  
"O-okay," Ranma said. "If you want."  
  
"Now," Akane said, reaching into her skirt pocket with one  
hand. With her other, she grabbed Ranma's arm and directed her to the  
door behind the bar.  
  
* * *  
  
The line had shortened somewhat since the brief show had  
ended, but was still steady enough to keep Nabiki happy. She was  
already beginning to fantasize about expanding the club and doing the  
math in her head for financing such a venture.  
  
She was fifteen minutes into her little fantasy when she  
realized that Ranma had gone missing.  
  
"Konatsu, have you seen Saotome?" she asked.  
  
Konatsu disappeared from behind the bar, popped in and out  
from behind the club's patrons, and appeared in front of Nabiki as  
she guarded the door.  
  
"Not since the dance number."  
  
"Wonderful. She's gone missing."  
  
"Who's missing?" Ryouga Hibiki asked as he made it to the  
front of the line.  
  
"Uhh... Ryouga-kun, what are you doing here?" Nabiki asked.  
"I didn't think you were in to nightclubs."  
  
"Nightclubs? What are you doing in Hiroshima? This is  
supposed to be the line to buy train tickets to Tokyo," he explained,  
looking back and forth between Nabiki and Konatsu for confirmation.  
"Right?"  
  
Nabiki just sighed and cupped her face in her hands.  
  
"Hibiki-san," Konatsu said. "You've actually made it to Tokyo  
ahead of schedule! Congratulations!" He shook Ryouga's hands. "Are  
you ready for your assignment?"  
  
"I made it? Assignment?" the lost boy asked in a dazed tone  
of voice.  
  
"You are ready, aren't you?" Nabiki said, catching on.  
  
"Of course!" Ryouga said, proudly sticking his chest out.  
  
"Good," Konatsu said in a serious, authoritive tone of voice.  
"Stand here and guard this door," he instructed. "Don't let anybody  
in until someone else leaves. This is an important directive from the  
fire commissioner."  
  
Ryouga nodded seriously. "I understand."  
  
"Also," Nabiki instructed. "Take five hundred yen from anyone  
who wants to come in. 750 from couples."  
  
"Hai!" Ryouga said, saluting.  
  
"We'll be back as soon as we can," Konatsu said. "In the  
meantime, you must stay right here and carry out these orders. Do you  
understand?"  
  
Ryouga nodded. "I understand."  
  
Nabiki led Konatsu over to the bar. "Very smooth. Actually,  
he could make a good bouncer if I can get him to stick around."  
  
"That's what I was thinking," Konatsu said. "I never  
*dreamed* that this place would be so crowded."  
  
"That's why we need to find Ranma," Nabiki said.  
  
"Ranma's missing?" Noku-chan said, walking up to the two with  
an empty tray in her hands.  
  
Nabiki nodded.  
  
Futaba and Tsubasa both approached the group.  
  
"I don't know if it means anything but there are some odd  
noises coming from the store room in the kitchen," Tsubasa noted.  
  
"Could be trouble," Konatsu said.  
  
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "I can't believe she locked herself  
in the closet. Ranma, you moron," she grumbled. "Let's go get her out  
before she breaks the door down."  
  
All five of them trooped into the kitchen.  
  
Just behind them, Ukyou and Shampoo began to try to push  
their way past Ryouga into the club.  
  
"Hey! I'm not supposed to let you in here," Ryouga shouted.  
"If you go in, I'll be letting down Nabiki, that nice ninja girl,  
*and* the fire commissioner!"  
  
"It's okay, Ryouga-kun," Ukyou said. "We're just going to  
kill Nabiki and Akane and come right back out, okay?"  
  
"Get out of way, pork-dumpling," Shampoo said, trying to  
squeeze past him.  
  
"Kill Akane!?" Ryouga shouted. "No way! You'll get in over my  
dead body!" he threatened.  
  
"Have it your way, Ryouga," Ukyou said, brandishing her  
spatula.  
  
"Excuse me," a polite voice asked from behind him. "Can we  
leave?"  
  
"Oh, yes. I'm sorry," Ryouga said as two young men filed past  
him and out into the street. "Wait a second," he said. "Now that I've  
let people out, I'm supposed to let people in, but I can't do that  
because Shampoo and Ukyou are next in line and they want to kill  
Akane! Wait a second, Akane's here?!"  
  
Shampoo rolled her eyes and pushed by the lost boy and into  
the club. Ukyou followed.  
  
"Hey, wait! You can't come in without paying!" he said.  
  
They both threw a handful of coins at him.  
  
Given the choice between doing his duty to the fire  
commissioner and saving Akane, Ryouga closed the door, bolted it, and  
ran after the two girls, only to get horribly lost in the crowd.  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh... Oh... Akane, please... please don't... stop... please  
stop..."  
  
Akane chuckled evilly in the darkness. "I don't think so,  
Ranma," she said. "You like it, don't you?"  
  
"Aah... Ah! No... not there!"  
  
"Heh... It's so tight, Ranma-baka! Doesn't it feel good?"  
  
"N-no..." Ranma stammered, her teeth chattering slightly.  
  
"Don't lie," Akane said. "Girls who lie have *this* happen to  
them."  
  
"Aaaaaa..." Ranma groaned.  
  
"Tell me you like it."  
  
"Oooooohhh.... ohhh, God..."  
  
A slurping noise began to fill the darkness, along with  
Ranma's cries and moans.  
  
"Tell me you like it," Akane demanded.  
  
"Ohh... Akane, don't stop..."  
  
"Tell me you like it, or I'll stop for good," Akane  
threatened.  
  
"N-n-nnn... AAH!"  
  
"Heh... now tell me you like it or..."  
  
"I... I like it," Ranma whispered in the darkness.  
  
"Louder!" Akane urged. The lapping, slurping noise resumed.  
  
"Gaaah... I like it! " Ranma said.  
  
"You like what?" Akane said teasingly.  
  
"Ahhhhh!"  
  
The door to the store room opened suddenly.  
  
"OooooggggoooddddddAkaaannnneeeeeeeee!!!!!!!" Ranma cried,  
her eyes clenched shut and her head thrown back in sheerest ecstasy.  
  
Akane looked back behind her in surprise and shock, smiling  
sickly at the people staring into the store room.  
  
"Oh my..." Tsubasa said, turning a bright red color.  
  
Futaba clutched at her nose, which fountained red. She rocked  
back, and was unconscious before she hit the floor.  
  
Noku-chan held up her fan in front of her face, peeking  
around it slightly. It read '!!!!!!!'.  
  
Konatsu looked on in confusion, not really understanding what  
was going on in front of him.  
  
Nabiki's left eyebrow twitched as she beheld what her sister  
was doing to her waitress.  
  
"I think that saying that this isn't what it looks like will  
be pretty pointless right now, Akane," she said, swallowing.  
  
Ranma's hands were tied together at the wrists. The rope  
holding them together had been strung over one of the utility hooks  
in the back of the closet, lifting her a few inches. Her short  
Chinese dress had been hiked up over her breasts and her ankles had  
both been tied to opposing support poles for the shelving inside the  
closet. One of her shoes was barely hanging on over her toes. The  
other had slid off and fallen into the floor.  
  
Her eyes were half closed and her head was lolled to one  
side. Her blush reached down her neck and over her breasts.  
  
While the group in front of her couldn't see how far down it  
went, Akane's blush was just as deeply red as Ranma's. She was  
kneeling in front of the redhead, her thick black hair obscuring most  
of Ranma's midsection to those watching. Akane's lips and chin were  
wet and sticky and her blouse was mostly unbuttoned. Her hands were  
still engaged... *under*... Ranma. It was perfectly obvious what she  
had been doing.  
  
"Oooohh... Akane...." Ranma groaned, probably not quite  
realizing where she was or what had happened.  
  
"Akane," Nabiki growled in a low tone. "My waitresses are  
*not* on the menu, especially while they're on duty!"  
  
"Gomen..." Akane gulped out, removing her sticky hands from  
what they had been doing.  
  
"Aaaaahhh..." Ranma moaned at the sensation.  
  
"Where are mercenary-girl and pervert-giAIYAH!!" Shampoo  
yelled as she burst into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, Shampoo, did you findOH MY GOD!" Ukyou shouted,  
barreling into Shampoo's back. "What the hell are you doing to *MY*  
Ran-chan, Akane?!"  
  
"Ukyou-sama!" Tsubasa yelled, leaping at Ukyou. "Oh, how I've  
missed you!"  
  
The okonomiyaki chef was so shocked at the sight in front of  
her that he actually managed to connect and glomp her for a few  
seconds before she pried him off with her spatula and sent him flying  
into the wall.  
  
"I can explain, really!" Akane said, nervously eyeing Shampoo  
and Ukyou's drawn weapons and realizing that she was quite cornered.  
  
"Can you?" Nabiki asked.  
  
"No," Akane admitted. "I guess I can't. Sorry."  
  
"DIE!" Shampoo and Ukyou shouted, leaping at the closet.  
  
"No!" Konatsu shouted, stepping protectively in front of the  
storeroom door. "Stop!"  
  
"Konatsu, what on earth are you doing here?" Ukyou demanded  
"And why are you in my way? Move!"  
  
"No!" Konatsu shouted stepping. "I won't! This is my club,  
Ukyou-sama, and I won't let you trash it."  
  
Ukyou blinked. "What the hell are you talking about, Konatsu?  
I thought that this was Nabiki's club. Why aren't you back at  
Ucchan's where you belong?"  
  
"Because he belongs here," Nabiki said. "Like he said, he's  
my business partner, and if you start a fight in this club, I *will*  
make sure you regret it, despite what my foolish younger sister has  
done."  
  
"Ladies," Noku-chan urged holding her fan out to one side to  
block the view of Akane desperately trying to button her blouse. "You  
really should calm down and try to settle this without a fight."  
  
"Is little girl going to get in our way?" Shampoo demanded,  
pointing her sword at the blonde girl's neck.  
  
"I'm no fighter, but if it means protecting Tendou-san's  
sister, then yes."  
  
"Akane!" Ryouga shouted. "Where are yoUURRRRKKK!" Ryouga  
burst into the kitchen, saw what everyone else had seen by this  
point, and passed out in a puddle of blood with Futaba.  
  
Konatsu lashed out, taking the opportunity Ryouga's  
distraction provided. Both Ukyou and Shampoo fell limply to the  
floor, their eyes still open.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ukyou-sama," Konatsu said, kneeling over her.  
"But I can't let you do this."  
  
"What did you do to them?" Noku-chan asked in dread, noting  
the long needles now protruding from the sides of their necks.  
  
"It's a paralysis potion," Konatsu said. "They're still  
conscious, but they can't move."  
  
"Untie my waitress, Akane," Nabiki commanded.  
  
"Just as soon as I find my bra," her sister mumbled.  
  
"It's harmless?" Noku-chan asked.  
  
Konatsu nodded. "We really should put them somewhere safe. It  
will be a few hours before they're able to move again."  
  
Inside, Ukyou was seething with anger, but couldn't even  
clench her teeth. How dare he? How dare he protect Akane, especially  
after all Ukyou had done for him?  
  
Konatsu and Noku-chan quickly carried the two immobile girls  
up to the unoccupied bedroom on the second floor.  
  
"I wish it didn't have to be like this," Konatsu said as he  
laid Ukyou down on the bare floor in what he hoped was a comfortable  
position. "I'm doing what I think is right, even if you don't agree  
with me. I still have a lot to learn, but I think I'm doing a good  
job, even if Nabiki-sama has to whack me when I mess up. Maybe  
someday we can be friends again. I hope so."  
  
"Are you okay?" Noku-chan asked the kunoichi, who had tears  
standing in his eyes.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"We need to get back down and make sure everyone's okay."  
  
When they got back to the kitchen, Futaba and Tsubasa had  
both been revived, Ryouga had gotten lost again, probably out of  
shock and horror, and Ranma was standing in the corner, slowly  
beating her head against the wall. Akane was standing sheepishly next  
to her sister.  
  
"Akane," Nabiki said. "You need to go home. Until you can  
control your hormones, you're not welcome to come back."  
  
"H-hai," Akane stammered, not able to meet the older girl's  
eyes.  
  
"Ranma," Nabiki continued. "If I *ever* find out that you're  
having sex with my sister on the job again, you're fired."  
  
Ranma continued to beat her head into the wall.  
  
"Now go home, the both of you," Nabiki commanded.  
  
Akane nodded, grabbed Ranma's arm and led her from the  
kitchen.  
  
"And for God's sake, Akane, put on some panties!" Nabiki  
shouted after her.  
  
Futaba and Konatsu couldn't help but stare.  
  
* * *  
  
A few blocks away from the club, a young man strode towards a  
park. He had short, thick hair and was wearing a tasteful jacket and  
slacks combo. Eventually, he happened across a park bench where two  
young woman and another man were setting. One of the young woman had  
short black hair and a hopeful expression. The other, who had long,  
lavender-colored hair, was fretting over the young man who looked  
like he hadn't slept in days. His hair was mussed and he needed a  
shave badly.  
  
"You were right, Suoh," the first young man said. "It *was*  
Kaichou."  
  
The ragged young man looked up, a fire burning in his eyes.  
"You're sure, Akira?  
  
"You really found him... her, Akira-kun?" the short-haired  
girl asked, correcting herself.  
  
Akira nodded, and put a hand on Suoh's shoulder as he started  
to bolt away.  
  
"We've found her, Souh-kun. Now's not the time to barge in  
and start demanding answers. That will only cause her more pain."  
  
"But... Kaichou is there. I have to go!" Suoh shouted, his  
hands shaking.  
  
"I know," Akira said. "Believe me, I know. Nokoru's family  
has given her more pain than anyone should have to handle in their  
lifetime, and as much as I want to see her, I know that if I try to  
barge back into her life right now, it would only cause her more."  
  
Suoh deflated somewhat, but the fire in his eyes never  
diminished.  
  
"I'll have to protect her from afar, then," he said, drawing  
himself to his full height.  
  
Behind him, both the girls smiled hopefully.  
  
Akira nodded. "If we do, then Kaichou will come to us in her  
own time. I believe that is for the best."  
  
* * *  
  
The action at the club slowly wound down until there was no  
longer a line at the door and more people were going than coming.  
  
After a few more hours, Ukyou and Shampoo blearily staggered  
down the stairs, both of them still numb but mostly able to move.  
Konatsu looked hopefully across the room at Ukyou, but she wouldn't  
meet his eyes.  
  
"They really need to be walked home," Tsubasa suggested to  
Nabiki.  
  
"You just want to chase after Ukyou," Nabiki said in  
response.  
  
"Well, of course," Tsubasa said. "But you don't really need  
me here this late. My salary's not worth it for you if I just stand  
around looking pretty, is it?"  
  
Nabiki rubbed her chin and nodded. "Seeya. Konatsu-chan, make  
a note that Tsubasa left early.  
  
"Hai, Nabiki-sama," the ninja said.  
  
"goway tsubasa..." Ukyou mumbled as she staggered out the  
doorway.  
  
"But, Ukyou-sama! Don't you need a knight in shining armor to  
carry you home?"  
  
"if i could lift my spatula, i'd kill you," Ukyou replied.  
  
"Hup!"  
  
"put me down, damn it."  
  
"Tsubasa's right," Nabiki said to her other employees. "It's  
not getting any earlier, and we're making less and less money keeping  
this place open. What do you say we make 'last call' in about half an  
hour?"  
  
Konatsu nodded in agreement.  
  
A while later, Nabiki chased everyone out and locked the  
front door. She smiled at her two remaining waitresses and raised her  
abacus victoriously into the air.  
  
"We did it," she said triumphantly. "If our customers keep  
coming like they did tonight, we'll break even on startup costs in  
less than a month."  
  
"So how about bonuses?" Futaba asked.  
  
"Please don't use profanity at work, Futaba-chan," Nabiki  
said, still grinning from ear to ear.  
  
They were two waitresses short, but everyone seemed to be  
happy. After a quick cleanup, Futaba took off pretty quickly, citing  
school the next day. Noku-chan was still hanging around, scrubbing at  
a stubborn, but almost non-existent stain on one of the tables.  
  
"Is it time to go already?" she asked.  
  
"You don't have anywhere else, do you?" Konatsu asked in way  
of reply.  
  
Noku-chan started guiltily.  
  
"It's not hard to see," Konatsu said sheepishly. "I was in  
the same position myself just a few days ago."  
  
"I'm sorry," Noku-chan said. "I'll go."  
  
"Wait!" Konatsu said before the girl could grab her jacket.  
  
Nabiki poked her head back into the room from the kitchen.  
  
"We have that extra room upstairs," Konatsu said. "You could  
get Nabiki-sama to pay you in room and board instead of money."  
  
"Room and board don't exactly buy independence, Konatsu-san,"  
Noku-chan said quietly.  
  
"No," Konatsu admitted. "But it will give you a place to  
build independence from. Sleeping on rooftops and park benches won't  
do that. I've been there."  
  
Noku-chan gulped. "Are you sure... sure I can have the room?"  
  
Konatsu nodded.  
  
Noku-chan ran out of the room, tears standing in her eyes.  
  
Nabiki walked out into the main room and stood just behind  
Konatsu.  
  
"I'm proud of you, Konatsu-chan."  
  
"For taking care of Noku-chan?"  
  
"Of course not. That was the first sound business decision  
you've made all evening."  
  
Konatsu face-faulted.  
  
"Seriously," Nabiki said. "You're using the resources that  
you have available to you to protect your assets and future profits.  
In other words," she said, seeing the incomprehension building on  
Konatsu's face, "she won't do herself or us any good by freezing to  
death out on the street."  
  
Konatsu nodded. "I knew you weren't *all* bad, Nabiki-sama."  
  
"If you tell anyone, I'll arrange it so that you're audited  
next year. It won't be pleasant."  
  
"Hai!"  
  
Konatsu smiled and watched his new employer walk up the  
stairway.  
  
For the first time in a long time, Konatsu felt safe, happy,  
and secure.  
  
* * *  
  
A few blocks away, an Okonomiyaki chef was yelling at the  
tops of her lungs.  
  
"DAMN IT, TSUBASA! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RESTAURANT!"  
  
"Not until you're all better, Ukyou-sama!"  
  
"Shampoo kill pervert-boy as soon as regain use of arms."  
  
"Tee-hee!"  
  
  
"QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!"  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
The Nerima Boys' Club Reference List  
  
The cast of Ranma 1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi and is used  
here without permission. Along with the cast, there were a few  
'crossover' characters and cameos in the club scenes with characters  
you may not be familiar with. They include:  
  
Konatsu the genius kunoichi - If you're only familiar with Ranma 1/2  
from the TV series, you may not know that Konatsu appears near the  
end of the Ranma 1/2 Manga. He's a genius ninja who's been raised by  
his abusive (and truly hideous) step-mother and step-sisters in a  
Cinderella-like fashion. He really doesn't understand that he's not a  
girl until Ranma explains it to him. Even then, he still has trouble.  
This is compounded by the strong crush he develops for Ukyou. He's  
especially bad with money, but an absolute genius at combat. He  
doesn't match Ranma's strength or skill, but can almost outfight him  
on tactics and strategy.  
  
Tsubasa Kurenai - Appears in both the Ranma 1/2 manga and TV series.  
He's a cross dresser who went to the boy's school Ukyou attended and  
deeply in love with the chef. He's a master of disguise, if not a  
master of knowing when disguises are appropriate.  
  
Futaba Shimeru - Appears in 'Futaba-kun Change!', a manga by Hiroshi  
Aro. Futaba grew up thinking that he was a normal guy, but when he  
reached a certain age and started getting turned on by girls, he  
changed into one. He discovered that his entire family had gender  
changing abilities. They changed from male into female, or vice  
versa, when excited or aroused. As the manga progressed, Futaba  
gained enough control over his shape changing abilities to follow the  
same line of work his father did and became a semi-professional  
actress and idol-singer.  
  
Nokoru Imonoyama - Appears in several manga and anime from CLAMP,  
most notably 'Clamp Campus Detectives'. In the CLAMP stories, Nokoru  
is the youngest son of the Imonoyama zaibatsu and student president  
of the CLAMP School Elementary division. He's a genius in electronics  
and computers. Nokoru is a feminist and will do anything to help a  
lady in distress. He has a strong penchant for intrigue and disguises  
and turns up in women's clothes from time to time. Despite the fact  
that Nokoru appears as an adult male in 'X/1999', I've taken several  
liberties with the character (including a sex-change) to setup a  
future story.  
  
Suoh, Akira, Utako, and Nagisa - are also CLAMP characters. Suoh is  
Nokoru's bodyguard, and like the rest of his family and their  
'special persons' feels a bond between them that compels him to  
protect Nokoru's safety. Again, I've taken a few liberties with the  
characters to set up a future story.  
  
Hiroshi and Daisuke - are Ranma's buddies who hang around him  
occasionally. They're never named in the manga, but are named once or  
twice in the Anime.  
  
Michiru Kaiou and her blonde 'Boyfriend', Haruka Tenou - are actually  
Sailor Neptune and Uranus from Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon. While  
their lesbian relationship is not explicit in either the manga or the  
anime, Haruka frequently cross-dresses and the two act as a couple.  
  
Takeo Takakura, his date, Sae Sawonoguchi, and Ayanojo Abaratsupo,  
are members of the Mahou Tsukai Tai, a Magic Club that occasionally  
defends humanity from alien invaders. Despite the fact that Takeo and  
Sae both have strong crushes on each other, Ayanojo is in love with  
Takeo, and resents Sae somewhat for stealing the man he loves.  
  
Utena Tenjou and Anthy Himemia - Appear in Shoujo Kakumei Utena: La  
Fillette Revolutionaire. Despite the fact that both girls appear to  
be straight, (Although Utena tends to dress as a boy) one of the main  
subplots of the story in both manga and Anime is the growing  
attraction and affection between the two. This is much more apparent  
in the Adolescence of Utena movie, which features a lesbian love  
scene between the two. (Damn, I can't wait for that one to come out  
on DVD. My DivX version sucks, and it's still beautiful to watch.)  
  
Ranma and Futaba's song and dance number is 'Persona', which can be  
found on the Pretty Sammy TV (Magical Project S) soundtrack.  



End file.
